Look and Live.

While following Moses in the vast, and seemingly endless, wilderness the weary Israelites started to become frustrated. Worn down from the constant traveling and exhausted from the lack of water and food, their once hopeful hearts began clouding with doubt.

Thoughts began to form in their minds about the actuality of a God leading them to a promised land. The Lord’s promise which once filled them with great anticipation and joy seemed prolonged, and perhaps, became less desirous because what was required in order to obtain seemed much too great a price for a blessing which seemed so out of reach. 

The recollection of their bondage and horrific circumstances and experiences in Egypt became obscured so greatly that they began to wonder if leaving was even the right choice. Their minds drifted from the blessings which had been miraculously poured down from the heavens upon them. The water that emerged from solid rock, the manna which appeared daily to sustain and nourish them, the acknowledgement of these Divine deliverances were neglected.

Their hearts, their minds, and their words were filled with murmurings.  Their anger did not stop with the prophet of God which led them, but extended to God Himself. 

The murmurings produced consequences, which emerged in the form of fiery serpents.  These vicious snakes sorely afflicted the Israelites, and many were eliminated because of them.  The humbled Israelites immediately recognized the serpents for what they were, the Lord’s anger kindled against them. They plead with Moses to speak with the Lord to be saved.

Moses approached the merciful Lord. Like He always does, He provided a opportunity of escape. He instructed Moses to create a serpent out of brass and to raise it up. He directed that anyone who would look upon the serpent would be healed. Any and all who would look, would live. 

When you hear this story you marvel at the simplicity of the healing. Little was required of the Israelites to receive restoration. Yet, the most astonishing portion of this story is what comes next: many absolutely refused to look upon the curative symbol because of its simplicity.

Alma described this event as follows:

Behold… a type was raised up in the wilderness, that whosoever would look upon it might live.  And many did look and live. But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe it would heal them. Alma 33:19-20

People died because they could not accept that such a plain and simple act could heal their afflictions. People watched their spouses, their children, their friends suffer and fade away because they were determined that magnificent and extensive deliverance was needed.  The simplicity of the Lord confused and disheartened them. 

It seems so natural to read through this account and wonder why anyone would be so stubborn and fazed to refuse an immediate source of healing and restoration.

We’re quick to recognize the error, but are we as swift to identify the symbolism and to liken this scripture to our lives?

The afflictions we face today may not be in the form of lethal bites from a fiery serpent, but regardless of the circumstances, the intensity, or the depth, they can all be healed in the same simple manner, by casting our eyes to the Savior.

The brass serpent raised by the prophet Moses was a symbol of the Lord Jesus Christ, who would be raised upon a cross and crucified so that we would have a way to be healed. Looking to Him has the power to heal and restore us, just as the serpent did for the Israelites.

The Atonement Offers More Than Repentance

The past three years have been filled with opportunities for me to better recognize that the Atonement offers far more than repentance. The Atonement has an infinite, eternal, and everlasting power to restore.  One of its main purposes is to restore the sinner to a saint, but its strength and abilities reach even beyond that fantastic and glorious gift. 

The Atonement of Jesus Christ can restore hope to the hopeless, joy to the trodden down, peace to the fearful, and a beating rhythm to the heart which was once broken.  Its bounds are truly endless.  Its mercy is limitless.  Its capacity to remedy is inexhaustible. 

What I have recently become aware of is that realizing the power of the Atonement is one thing, but having the faith to act upon, and come to it, is another. Our ability to be healed is dependent on whether or not we will look. 

Will we look to the Savior, believe in His power and in His atoning sacrifice? Or will we choose to flounder, casting our eyes everywhere, and anywhere, looking horizontally for a redemptive means, when all that we truly need to be saved is being vertically delivered, and with outstretched arms.

As I have been pondering, and experiencing, the Atonement throughout the past few years, some profound thoughts and understandings have been made clear to me. The symbolism in these scriptures have enhanced my comprehensions a great deal. I desire to document them that I shall never forget what I know to be divinely provided.

Casting Our Eyes Horizontally

I don’t know why as mortals we seek after complexity, especially regarding spiritual things, but we do. Perhaps it is because celestial truths can seem complex when viewed through temporal eyes. But when we receive and experience a spiritual outpouring of knowledge and understanding, I think we are most commonly surprised at its simplicity. However, it’s glory and magnificence are not dimmed by its plainness, it is actually enhanced.

The Lord’s ways are simple. They are plain.

Now, the Atonement is intricate in its details. Trying to understand how the Savior could suffer for every pain, every illness, every sorrow, every sin, when He Himself was a sinless man, is beyond our mortal ability to comprehend.  I truly do not think that we could ever fully wrap our minds around the fullness of it while in this mortal sphere. Even the apostles and prophets of the Lord declare the outstanding weight of trying to understand the totality of it. However, with that being said, utilizing the Atonement is not complex, nor does it necessitate elaborately compounded requirements in order to receive its restorative power. Our Savior simply does not work that way, which is glorious in and of itself. 

Jesus Christ does not want us to ache, to be in distress, to be miserable. He suffered extensively that we may be able to escape from its clutches. Here is a Brother that so dearly loves you and I, that He willingly accepted pure agony and torment, that we could be released from its wretchedness. What wondrous love is this! 

He does not require us to suffer to a certain degree before He will step in, as some sort of payment for what He experienced on our behalf. No, He is never seeking compensation, but only asks that we come to Him.

When we arrive He promises He will not delay, but that He will hasten to us. There is truth to this promise. He does run. I know it is true because His love has met me in moments of deep darkness the very second my knees hit the ground. It reminds me that He has been there just waiting for me to come to Him.  

So, why do we wait? Why do we delay? Why do we cast our eyes anywhere, or everywhere, besides on Him? Perhaps, it is in the simplicity that makes our faith falter. Are we like the Israelites of old, that quickly dismissed the promise of restoration, and life, because it seemed to plain to heal such a great affliction?

We cannot look past Him. We simply cannot afford to. We must be careful to not cast our eyes horizontally, but to lift them vertically in order to find, and receive, the healing we ache for. 

There is nothing that the Lord’s Atonement cannot make right. There is not a burden that He cannot lighten. There is not a heart that He cannot mend. He is able to do this because He has an exact knowledge of the pain and affliction that we encounter. He is so perfect in understanding our agonies because He, personally, experienced them for us, so He can endure them with us.

Refusing to Let the Lord Take Our Burdens

This specific area is very sensitive to me. It has been the portion of this experience that has taken the longest to understand, and definitely the longest to apply. It is because some burdens are so deep, and so extensive, that they have been carved into our very being. They have become so much of who and what we are, it is difficult to recognize how to part from them.

I have been learning that the Lord cannot heal the heartache unless we provide Him with the heart. He cannot mend the brokenness unless we give Him what is broken. It is not that He is unable to mend, it is that He absolutely will not defile, nor intrude upon, our agency. Remember, He is our greatest protector of this divine endowment.

There is an affliction that has been at my side since the early moments of my life. I have carried it for almost my full 28 years. It is deep and cavernous. It is intertwined with so many memories and life experiences that it is has simply become a part of me. A dark and lonely part of me, one that I constantly have to fight from taking over the living portions of my heart.  The circumstances surrounding the past three years of my life are directly related to this affliction, and have been magnified because of recent events.

It has taken me all three years to finally recognize why a full healing has not coming to me.

I could not be healed because I was not ready to let go of the burden.

I was unwilling to allow my Savior to carry, and take, what was afflicting me.

I recognized this through the whispering and chastening of the Holy Ghost as I sat in Relief Society one Sunday morning. I know this communication wasn’t new, but it was the first time I had opened my ears, and heart, to accept it.

I immediately became defensive. How could I let go of something that had done such great damage to me? And in that moment I understood, I was clinging to this burden. I was utilizing it as a shield to protect a wounded heart. I was holding onto it to keep another in debt. To provide an explanation for events that made no logical sense. To justify my broken hope and damaged emotions. What I was really doing was withholding myself from the restorative power of the Atonement. 

I was choosing to suffer, and it hurt. 

I was humbled by this chastening. I started immediately to give up what I was grasping. It is an ongoing process. It has not been easy, and I doubt the rest of the experience will be. It have let this affliction become such a part of me that there are certain areas of life I have to redefine and reorganize without it there. It will take time to heal this wound, but with the Savior this hole in my heart will be repaired.

I know it.

I am extremely grateful for the patience of my Brother who has to wait on my imperfections. He never gives up on me. He doesn’t get frustrated, nor does He become disappointed. He stays with me through every step as I clumsily learn how to become more like Him.

I love Him.

Believe He Will Heal Us.

The one line that stands out most to me in the aforementioned scriptures discussed by Alma is:

Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe it would heal them.

Isn’t that such a heartbreaking sentence?

I have been “ponderizing” (shout out from this past General Conference!) these scriptures the past few weeks and this sentence almost stops my heart when I think about it. 

There is a quote by Jeffrey R. Holland that states:

“I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands.”

That quote pretty much makes me cry every time I read it.

We wound the Savior when we refuse to come to Him.

When we seek for other sources to remedy our pains, we wound Him.

When we lose faith in His ability to restore us, we wound Him.

I frequently think about how much agony He has already endured because of my sins and transgressions and shudder. To think that I would continue to break His heart because I cannot believe, nor have faith, in the simplicity of His healing, is traumatic. 

We must gain faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. We must trust that He came to earth, that He died for us, individually, and that He is ever present with us. We must believe that He can heal us as we utilize the Atonement that He suffered so tremendously in order to provide. 

One of the greatest ways to obtain this faith and ability to believe is to learn of Him. As we study the scriptures and gain a stronger knowledge and understanding of who our Savior is, we become closer to Him. 

Additionally, we must gain a testimony of the gospel. We must understand why we need the Savior in order to have a desire to come unto Him. We begin to understand the magnitude of our dependence upon Him as we pray, read the scriptures, and attend the temple. Bit by bit our enlightenment is increased and our faith and trust in the Savior is intensified.

And I believe the greatest way is to utilize the Atonement. Try what He has extended. Arrive worthy of the blessings of healing. Come with a humble and contrite heart. Speak to Him a though you were speaking to Him face to face. Listen to the Holy Ghost as He provides promptings to know where to repent and what steps to take in order to gain restoration.

Most importantly, just as I am trying so desperately to learn right now, we must allow Him access to our hearts, and willingly offer up our afflictions that He may carry them for us. 

I love my Savior. I know with all the fervency of my soul that He lives. I know that He seeks to heal, that He desires to save. I know the Atonement is real. That its bounds cover sins and transgressions, and continue onward to heal and restore. I know this because He has taken a shattered soul, torn down from sin and heartache, and has begun piecing me back together bit by bit. I am constantly showered in His everlasting and unending love. He is real. He heals. He restores. I know that everything He touches lives. We must cast our eyes on Him.

We must look and live.