Trust in the Lord.

Trust is not something I have always easily offered.  Due to circumstances I have encountered, some occurring at a tender age, while others are still rapidly evolving, I learned quickly to build fortifications and to be cautious in where I place my confidence.  I swiftly became acquainted with the reality that even those that were provided to be steady sources of love and dependence break hearts, dash hopes, and renounce their roles.  A familiar theme is identified in selfish desires superseding virtuous responsibilities.  I could not tell you precisely when the numbing of my heart began, but can assume it embarked in my youngest of days.  As I grew, most commonly without conscious effort, this portion of my core only persisted to harden.  Life has demonstrated that these specific elements will prevail as a corrupted melody weaved throughout my existence.  Instead of terminating, they seem to continually develop, offering new twists, new challenges. 

I believe I was in my teenage years when I started understanding my inability to issue trust to another.  Instead of viewing it as a weakness, I defined it as a warranted approach.  After all, with what I had been dealt surely I deserved to protect what was left.  It was a poisonous perspective and I suffered great consequence because of the way I interacted.  I was not ignorant to the fact that these ramifications were being experienced because of my skeptical heart.  I knew exactly why they were being delivered, but I had lost desire to make alterations.  My involvement with mortality had convinced me that everyone would eventually shatter my supplied trust.  What I had failed to recognize was that my earthly experiences had habituated my heart so entirely that its incapability to apply trust surpassed my earthly relations and soared into my divine ones.  Indeed, I found that I did not offer nor display trust in my Father in Heaven.  I lacked faith in Him.  Who He is, what He is, and most importantly in His will and plan for me.  As I have worked to repair my immense imperfections, there is much I have been taught which has added intense power to my testimony.  My heart pounds to release it.

The law of sacrifice emerged with the beginning of time, alongside Adam and Eve.  The Lord commanded them to sacrifice, and they obediently did so.  This law has been preserved, and although our actions of sacrifice are unique regarding each dispensation, this commandment endures and is significantly important.  Only through experiences of sacrifice are we purified and become worthy to enter the presence of our Heavenly Father.  When we gain an understanding of the cruciality sacrifice plays in our entrance home, we find that we begin to seek after such opportunities, instead of evade them. 

There are a multitude of ways to offer sacrifice unto the Lord, some outlined, others personally established.  However, in my opinion, there is one act that perhaps stands as the greatest sacrifice we can offer: allowing the Lord’s will to be done.  I believe this to be so as it is truly the only thing we extend to our Heavenly Father that has not already been conferred by Him.  All else that we present was bestowed to us by and through His love.  Essentially we are giving back what He has already provided.  This is not to diminish the greatness of sacrificing things we have been donated, for it is acknowledged, accepted, and worthy to our Father.  But replacing our will with His, accepting His path for our lives instead of following our own designed route, allows us to freely give to Him, in a distinctly personalized manner.

What it means to accept the Lord’s will can be clarified through one of the dearest scriptures:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

What does it mean to accept the Lord’s will: It means to give our entire hearts to Him.  It involves looking to Him in all things, in all places, and in all circumstances.  Indeed, not one portion of our being exists without Him being the focal point.  The very beat of our heart bears testimony of Him because He is so much apart of who and what we are.  We love Him thoroughly, and desire to do all in order to demonstrate the love we carry.  How do we delight in Him in such a manner?  We come to know Him.  We study His life, His teachings, His ways.  We seek to align our actions with His commands, and labor to become as He is.  We develop a personalized relationship with Him.  This bond will be different than any other person, because it is yours.  Your own individualized attachment.  This is essential to create because once constructed we find that His will and our own will become more closely united, and following after becomes less complicated. 

Offering Him our hearts also signifies a complete absorption of faith.  Not even a section of our core produces doubt in Him, or in His pathways.  Acquiring such a fullness of hope takes time.  It does not have an express lane which leads to this destination at a more rapid pace, but requires diligent effort and experience.  Through prayer we can be released from our mortal weaknesses and find that our convictions overpower our uncertainties.  We simply believe in Him, in who He is, in what He is, and in His will. 

What does it mean to accept the Lord’s will: It means to not depend on our limited understanding.  It must be acknowledged that this type of sacrifice is not unchallenging.  In fact, at times it can be incredibly difficult.  It requires you to travel paths that may seem odd, miscalculated, or inequitable to earthly eyes.  It may request that you endure heartache, sorrow, or suffering.  Perhaps it necessitates loss of possessions, relationships, or comforts.  Whatever it entails, it is normally not the easiest route.  Maybe that is why we have a difficult time accepting His will over our own.  As humans we do not crave pain.  Misery is not sought after but is avoided.  Our paths may be created in a manner to offer protection from tribulation, where His may ask us to bear burdens.  He does this out of divine love, for our tests work as a refining fire. 

Due to these features, we must be attentive in looking to Him for understanding and not to lean on our own knowledge.  We have a finite comprehension of things, and frequently lose sight of an eternal perspective.  His ways will not always make logical sense from a mortal viewpoint.  This does not signify that they are flawed.  They are celestially perfect, in ways that we cannot grasp within this telestial sphere.  This is where having a heart consumed in faith adds strength.  We must be careful to not allow opinions of others to replace our confidence in Him.  No matter how learned, a man is only mortal, and God’s ways are not mans.  If you find that His pathways leave you frail, and you need somewhere to depend, make it Him.  His support will fortify you and His arms will carry you should your legs give way to the weight you bear. 

This should not create a belief that we will receive immediate understanding to our circumstances.  Not everything will make sense within an instant.  Some answers will come quickly, while others require time and demonstration of faith to be solved.  And it must be noted, that there will be some which will never arrive while we are here on this earth.  Instead, they will be revealed when we are at His side.  These situations can be more difficult to sustain because full illumination is never gained.  Our objective within these circumstances is to faithfully endure to the very end.  When we arrive home we have been promised that all that was withheld, all that was taken, all that was damaged, will be supplied.   And not just granted, but bestowed with magnificence.  The deepest desires of our hearts will be endowed.  Our souls can rejoice in this promise.  They can discover stability upon trembling ground.  Look brightly towards this day.     

Although the Lord’s paths may seem demanding, they are never oppressive.  His will never leads us into treacherous caverns or to dangerous stopping places.  Perhaps rocky at times, requesting exertion, they are engulfed in peace and a happiness that cannot be experienced along any other passageway.  We find that we flourish despite distressing conditions.  That we encounter enhancement of our souls despite burdensome circumstances.  We find love.  We find calmness.  We find joy.  Accepting His will allows blessing to pour from the heavens onto us.  But the responsibility rests in us to look around and recognize the beauty he is delivering.  

What does it mean to accept the Lord’s will: Most importantly, It means to trust in Him.  Trust.  That five letter word that at one spread fear from one end of my heart to the other.  We must trust Him.  Trust in His ways.  Trust in His love.  Trust in His will.  

Our Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ are not mortal.  They do not exist, interact, provide, or love in an earthly manner.  They are perfect, in every single element.  We cannot allow those who have been careless with our trust, make us frightened of trusting in Him.  He will never let us down.  In fact, He will always, always be more than we hoped, dreamed, or desired.  He is greater than anything we can currently comprehend or remember.  Our trust is secure and protected with Him. 

When we accept His will it denotes having faith that the direction in which He is leading is safe and leads to promised lands.  I love to think about trusting Him in a more tangible manner.  Would I ever be apprehensive in trusting Him if He stood physically in front of me, beckoning me to follow His path?  Absolutely not.  Never.  I would run with speed that had certainly not left my body prior, just to be where He was.  Surely, I would do anything to follow Him.  Our circumstances are the same, with the only exception that His presence is experienced through a different sensation.  Not by sight, but by the perceptions of the heart.  He is here with us.  Our reactions to His will should not differ only because our veiled eyes cannot palpably perceive His attendance.   

The finest way to show the Lord our trust is to receive His paths willingly.  Engaging in them bitterly or delaying in aligning our will with His, illustrates lack of faith in Him.  This does not mean that we cannot be sorrowful, experience fatigue, or feel overwhelmed.  We are working towards perfection and still house weaknesses within our frame.  The Lord is aware of this and offers His ultimate strengths to uplift areas that are fragile.  

Our Savior stands as our exemplar.  As He experienced the torture of Gethsemane, He cried to His Father asking for His suffering to be removed, but ending His desperate plea declared for the Father’s will to replace His own.  As we strive to trust in the Lord with every inch of our hearts, we can follow His example and cry to our Heavenly Father when we seek for rescue, while still communicating, both by word and deed, that we desire His will to substitute our own.  When we do this we will find power will arrive at our sides.  Our burdens will be lightened, not taken, but lightened, by His hands until we can bear the full weight. 

If, like me, you have lost, forgotten, or were never taught how to trust, seek to revive it.  Create ways to remind yourself of the perfection of His trust.  For me, I plastered Proverbs 3:5 on the wall of my family room.  During darkened moments, or instances where I sense doubts arising, I sit in front of it and read it repeatedly.  It reminds me: 

Brynn, your ways are not His ways.  The way you think, is not the way He does.  The way you envision the future, is not an actuality, but a contrived hope from the heart.  His paths offer a future that is more grand than your mortal imagination can conjure.  The presence of tribulation does not denote breach of trust, but demonstrates His confidence in you.  Trust in it.  Trust in Him. 

Life is complex.  There are bumps, thorns, heartaches, and tears.  However, if endured faithfully, with a heart full of trust, it leads to perpetual joy.  If you take the time to look around, to see outside of your conditions, you will find that expansion accompanies the bumps, roses accompany the thorns, growth accompanies the heartache, and that His hand is there to wipe away every single tear that falls from your eye.  The eyes He created.  The eyes He loves.

Trust in the Lord.  With all your heart.  Trust in Him even when circumstances in life are not the way you want them to be, nor the way you envisioned or hoped for them to be.  Trust in Him even if someone else is allowed to experience something you crave, or others receive opportunities you hunger for.  Trust in Him even when the righteous blessings of your heart are not immediately provided, for in time they will be.  Do not permit earthly experiences to alter our faith in Him, nor diminish our trust.  If there is anyone to place our confidence in, it is Him.  You will never be let down,  only lifted upward.  Trust in Him.

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Chosen That Good Part.

Protective nature seems to belong naturally to us as mortals.  Our hearts are erected in such a way to persevere what we find precious.  When attachment to something develops, our defense lies in securing what we cherish, for we long to have it with us endlessly.  Great lengths are sometimes traveled to certify conservation of our prize.  It is the essence of our heart: what we love, we seek to shelter.  It is a blessed attribute, one that is celestially produced.  Our desire to guard emulates yearnings that both our Father and Savior exemplify, for they are ultimate protectors, in all things, in all places, and for all people.   However, our aching to protect is currently an unfinished feature, and our natural man can be easily triggered by residing in this twisted world.  When we identify that our fortifications rest around possessions and the acquisition of them, or our securities are being fastened around amusing distractions, perhaps our connection to this heavenly ability has become skewed.  With the world spinning madly forward we have lost regard to that which is most significant.  As our energies are being centered around sustaining worldly treasures, our preservative barriers, the ones that safeguard our most valuable gifts, experience decay from lack of attention.  While we busy ourselves in defending our fixations, we lose focus in the protection of a priceless blessing, our gift of time.     

The world has evolved remarkably from our progenitors.  It has altered from an existence where labor was required consistently throughout each day in order to sustain life, to a culture where developments have created efficiencies which reward us with a greater availability of time.  The blessings of such a lifestyle are exceptional.  We have the opportunity to engage in the Lord’s work unlike anything prior.  Our temporal needs are able to be satisfied more rapidly.  This allows our open time to be placed in the Lord’s hands to be utilized wherever and whenever He needs us, in order to move His work forward.  Every progression and expansion that heightens our proficiencies enables us to become more immersed in His service.  It is no coincidence that the world’s advancements coincide with the hastening of His work.  He wants us to be engaged in bringing souls unto Him, and blesses us with ample time to do so.  However, Satan advances at an equaled pace.  He gleefully views unoccupied time as a powerful weapon of destruction, and utilizes it as such.  He assembles diversions, interruptions, and disturbances which crowd our vacant time, and distract us from our purpose.  Our requirement is to detect these interferences and practice restraint and discipline within our activity.  Remembering how much we have been given can act as inspiration.  For we have been profusely blessed, so intensely that matching it cannot be accomplished, but it must be sought after. 

Do you recall being young and hearing an adult say something along the lines of: Time flies.  I distinctly recollect believing how odd that statement was.  To me, time was unhurried and seemed to dawdle along.  As I continue to grow my understanding of this sentiment has swiftly aligned with the elders of my youth.  Time does fly.  Moments glide into days, which soar into months, which conclude a year, and I am left racing to meet it at the finish line.  Experiencing this fact of life is assisting me in grasping an appreciation for each individual instant that I am given within this mortal sphere, for every one is invaluable.  It may appear as though time is of endless abundance, but it unravels swiftly.  We must seek to use what we have been provided in superior ways.  Delaying or procrastinating the use of our time in an advantageous manner only slows our progression.  We are not allotted more for what we squander.  Its rapidity should alert our awareness to the necessity of protection and careful consideration of where we devote it.

Busyness should never stand as a indication of our time being well spent.  It is not the quantity of what we accomplish, but the quality we supply that marks greatness.  This is an area I have to place blaring horns to awaken recognition of my current standing, for I struggle here.  I love to be active and involved.  The word yes seems to fall from my lips before the realization of my commitment has met my brain.  This equates to overload status.  When I reach this point I find hasty actions that only encompass portions of my heart, for I didn’t have the time to supply it with totality.  I discover I lack deeds born from love, which stands as recompense for my efforts, but instead acquire a check on my to-do list signifying achievement.  Perhaps if we are not cautious the same techniques may be mimicked in the way we utilize our gift of time relating to our spiritual advancement. We may believe that our blessing is being well used due to the deficiency of idle behaviors, but occupation of our time amounts to nothing if an absence of significant activity exists.  Our time must be used in greater ways than finalizing hectic schedules and concluding checklists.  If it is contributing to no one, if it fails to enhance where we stand incomplete, if it is avoiding the construction of the kingdom of God on earth, our time, that special gift, is being recklessly exhausted.

There is a lofty price with spending our time in such a frenzied approach.  Although not always by intention, most commonly, our extensive and lengthy to-do’s supersede the people that surround us.  As we work to complete tasks, obtain belongings, or engage in entertainments, we must be attentive that they always fall secondary, and that our focal point lies in people.  Surely, there is no finer way to occupy our time then by committing it to others.  As we seek to protect our time we need never worry about misusing it while engaged in service.  These are the moments where our time is utilized perfectly.  In fact, we must learn how to reposition our defensive walls that they create security over our time with those we cherish, rather than shielding time for hobbies, possessions, or personal leisure.  In place of consuming our time with things, we must devote it to people. There is no greater way to demonstrate our love for another than by spending time with them.  Being cared for by someone that carves out time, and never need look at a schedule to fit you in, adds confidence in their love.  Feelings of validation and importance are bred from such affection.  I know this to be true as I have been the recipient of this type of devotion.

I have an incredible husband, one that strongly comprehends the value of time and has an established awareness of his priorities.  He is a busy man.  He is very active in his callings from the Lord, has a demanding career, and is always immersing himself in service to others.  Despite the multiple requests for his time, my daughters and I never go without his wholehearted attentions.  He dedicates his heart first to his Heavenly Father and Savior, and closely behind, we stand.  When he walks through the door, no matter the chaos and commotion of his day, we are engulfed in his love.  He looks us in our eyes as we speak, places interest in the activities of our day, asks questions about our feelings, and provides tangible affections that illustrate his love for us.  We occupy his free time.  He attends all events, is present in our family recreational activities, and is an active participant during such memories.  His hobbies and personal interests are created of us.  He wants to be with us.  We are important to him.  His available time is given to the Lord, and then presented to us.  Never does he do this begrudgingly, but out of true desire, out of flawless love.  To say that he is adored is a terrific minimization of fact.  He is the very core of our home.  As I watch my daughters in his arms, I gain solidified conviction of the way my Heavenly Father loves me.   For his love for them mimics my Father’s tender affections.

Above all, there is one that we must secure an abundance of time for, it is our Savior.  Our innate protective behaviors should fiercely preserve our time with Him.  Too frequently our defenses are not placed in safeguarding individualized, quiet, alone time with Christ.  The time we offer is hurried, filled with actions of monotony, and with an absentee of heart.  Our souls are dim when we thinly slice the allocation of our time, for they require His presence, His touch, His voice, His love to be vitalized.  Christ never acts in haste.  He is calm, peaceful, collective, and provides unending and individualized time for each one of us.  We must match His pace and emulate His attentions.  When we coincide with Him we find His spirit is abounding and unmistakably tangible.  He must be the central occupation of our time and energies.  Tasks, objects, or even other people must never pull away devoted attention to Him.  When we give our time to the Savior first, we find that our time used afterwards is spent better.  Our priorities become more clear, distractions become less captivating, and our desires align with everything and anything that correlates with Him.  Our determination in providing time for others becomes heightened, for we are taught of His perfected love in the moments with Him, and we seek for our deeds to bear resemblance of it. 

As Christ was traveling, calling and instructing the seventy, He was taken in by a woman named Martha.  I love this scripture story.  How closely I can relate with dear Martha.  Here the Savior sat in her home, and she sought to serve Him in everyway.  Can you imagine it?  When I have visitors, I work tirelessly prior, during, and after to ensure everything is orderly.  I can understand why Martha labored so greatly.  Her intentions were good.  She was striving to show Him her love through her acts of service.  Her sister Mary did not engage in the same manner.  The scriptures report that Mary sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word.  Martha was frustrated when she found herself working alone and spoke to the Savior of it.  His words reveal how essential our time with Him is:

And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. (Luke 10:41-42)

Chosen.  It is my favorite word within the verses.  We choose where our time is spent.  Whether it be with Him, or whether it be given to something or someone else.  Mary’s ability to recognize the magnitude of the moment and to resign her normal activities that she may spend every minute with Christ, listening, learning, and simply experiencing His presence stands as a model we must seek to emulate.  Although Martha’s actions were righteous, she failed to recognize the immensity of the circumstances that surrounded her.  She continued with daily chores, engaged in additional tasks, not out of selfishness, but because she wanted to serve.  However, she was allowing good intentions to act as distractions, and the part she chose was inferior.  The scriptures describe her service by utilizing the word cumbered, which means to hinder or obstruct.  The way she was choosing to utilize her time was interfering with the Savior and from the goodness that pours from Him.  She was missing what her sister was gloriously obtaining, time spent with Him.  Indeed, Mary chose the good part, which was, always has been, and always will be found with Christ.

I adore the symbolism that lies in Mary’s physical reactions when she is with Christ.  Mary…sat at Jesus’ feet.  She seated herself as close as she could to Him.  She craved His presence and hungered for His words.  Her position demonstrates her desires.  She wasn’t distracted or concerned with other events or happenings that surrounded her.  No amount of time was designated.  Her concentration and attentions were focused upon Him.  Her concerns of daily duties left her mind.  Her companionship to others, even her sister, was momentarily discontinued, that He may stand as her emphasis.  Her dedications offered her a significant blessing.  The undisturbed moments she acquired with Christ were engrained into her heart.  He promised that experiences gained alongside Him shall not be taken away.  They become embedded into our souls, amplifying who and what we are, and satisfying our yearnings from within.  We have been taught that by what intensity we give, with the same intensity it will be returned.  How fervently we desire, prepare, and participate in our moments with Christ, will be reciprocated in our blessings from being with Him. 

Time is a unique and special gift.  It is provided so we may acquire the most from this mortal experience, that we may one day reach a perfected status.  Our world is accelerating, and along with it blessings of efficiency continue to appear.  With the allowance of more time comes the requirement of employing it to not only build ourselves, but the kingdom of our Father and Savior here on this earth.  Every single moment of our time must be utilized in the best of ways.  Our protection should primarily rest in sheltering unbroken time with the Savior, and secondarily in providing it to others.   We must fasten Mary’s example to our hearts and reflect on it frequently.  Do we crave time with Him the way she displayed?  Do we defend time with Him the way she demonstrated?  Do we choose the good part just as she did?  Christ, He is the good part.  The best part.  The most superior portion of life.  The most superior use of our time.  We will never look back and wish we had spent it elsewhere.  Instead the memories of our moments with Him will radiate joy and will stand as the crowning parts of life which we cherish most. 

Choose Him.  Always Him.  Choose the good part. 

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That All May Be Profited.

I love profound testimonies.  The ones where the expressions of the provider soar though the room, fill up your ears, enliven your mind, but connect at your core.  The type that produce thoughts that encourage sincere pondering, which wander through your heart and awaken and embolden pieces of your own testimony.  This is my choice method of development.  I am grateful for individuals who have the ability to supply such an opportunity.  I encountered a circumstance like this in a fast and testimony meeting a few months ago.  As a member of my ward stood at the pulpit bearing genuine testimony, the eloquence of their delivery was originally striking, but it was the power and intensity of their understanding that commenced my personal reflection.  The most impactful portion of their words went something like this:

When you study darkness and light, you come to find that there is no such thing as darkness, it is merely an absence of light…I have utilized this understanding throughout my life, and have found significant similarity between it and the way we judge ourselves.  What I have discovered is that we tend to judge by what we lack, instead of by what we are.

These words have been echoing through my mind ceaselessly.  I believe them to be extremely accurate.  Our personal reflections seem to place spotlights on our areas of frailty and lack focus on our places of ability.  Now, I am a firm promoter of self identification, especially in being aware of both strengths and weaknesses.  Knowing where we are strong provides confidence, appreciation, and encouragement into spheres in which we have  been blessed with talents.  Additionally, understanding our flaws provides the opportunity to place attention to weakened areas that they may be labored towards perfection, striving towards a day where this behavior, characteristic, or habit could be listed within our category of strength.  However, we must never allow a current imperfection to establish our value, nor the definition of who we are.  Neither should we allow them to diminish the illumination and recognition of our strengths.

When we utilize the explanation released through the testimony above, we can gain a changed viewpoint relating to our weaknesses.  Our imperfections are only portions of our soul that have yet to be enlightened.  They are not, have never been, and never will be finalized or fixed pieces of our identity.  They are places that are simply unrefined.  They are darkened segments that await our attention, which focus allows the entrance of light.  When we recognize our flawed areas, they should empower us, not enslave our perceptions or energies.  Because we are not perfect in all ways does not denote that we are incapable, inadequate, or deficient, it simply means we are in a currently undeveloped state.  It means that we are mortal.  I love that perspective because it makes so much sense: So, we are imperfect.  Which means we are mortal.  Which means that we are exactly what and where we are supposed to be.  If we had no failings, we would be celestial beings living aside our Father.  But we aren’t in this moment.  We are His incomplete, beloved children, currently following the path which leads home, which has been composed and designed for our development.  We are divinely created beings, which means that we are made up of light.  We are not constructed of darkness.  Our places in need of improvement only presently have an absence of illumination.  Once we reach the opportunity to enhance these areas, the darkness will shatter and our seraphic light will shine forth. 

When we perceive our reflection to be defective, our weaknesses drawing all of our attention, we can understand that we are viewing ourselves through Satan’s lens.  He is the author of darkness and a murky perspective is formed by him.  He desires us to define who we are by our failings because we naturally turn to him and his ways as we mistakenly seek to obscure, conceal, or compensate for what we believe we lack.  He is also captivated with the chance to assist us in dwindling our view relating to our self worth.  It makes us miserable, which he adores.  It creates an obstruction of memory pertaining to our divinity, which he hungers for.  It terminates our journey towards perfecting our current limitation because instead of seeing it as a brief portion of our character, we obsessively embed and permit it to transform our identification, which is his goal. 

Our Heavenly Father, He never views us as such.  Never.  When He looks upon His child, His vision is filled with light.  The most perfect thing about comprehending this, He has a exact knowledge of every weakness we currently possess.  But He loves us, as imperfect as we are.  Why?  Because our Father in Heaven, He sees through an eternal perspective.  He recognizes our potentials, capabilities, and knows our talents incomparably.  He knows His child.  He knows them through and through.  He realizes what most of us lack recognition in, what we can and what we will become if we but labor towards this objective.  We must crave and seek to open our celestial eyes, which enables our vision to be filled with eternal perception.  To do so we must interrupt our observations which come through the worldly eyes Satan has generated.  One way we can do this is by prayer.  Pray to the Father that He will open your eyes.  Pray that our reflections will be indistinguishably identical.  As we do so we will turn from the theory that what we currently lack assembles who and what we are.  Instead, we will view our weaknesses as opportunities to progress.  And the very greatest thing about that: this road is traveled hand in hand with the Savior.  Allow our imperfections to bring us hope, knowing that through trial and testing we will be allowed to toil, alongside our Savior, towards advancement.  Don’t wish it away.  Don’t become discouraged.  Don’t disrupt such an experience.  Accept it.  Love it.  Enjoy the journey, every whit. 

I do believe that this darkened perspective extends beyond our own personal specification.  Now more than ever, I find that we fall into the trap, which Satan has personally laid, of judging others by what they lack, instead of by what they are.   There are a multitude of facets regarding this type of critique, but as I have contemplated I feel strongly about one specific area: that we eagerly seek to identify others weaknesses because we become fearful or offended by their individual strengths.  It seems like we exist in a world of constant competition.  It is as though one’s success or triumph represents a decline in our own value.  It is a repellent attitude to acquire, but it is heavily enticed by Satan, and we have to monitor ourselves individually to ensure we do not become ensnarled. 

We were each sent to earth with differing strengths and divergent weaknesses, and aren’t we grateful for this blessing!  Can you imagine what type of world we would exist in if we were all powerful in one area, and all lacked in another.  It would be disastrous.  However, Satan seeks for us to see these varying abilities as a hazard.  He wants us to view another’s accomplishment as a threat to our own achievements.  He pushes and introduces jealousy.  This is where we may search to find one’s weaknesses seeking to highlight them because it assist us in neglecting to recognize their areas of fortitude.  Perhaps when we see that they have faults, we find peace in our own imperfections.  We cannot be driven into such a mentality.  We must find ways to celebrate the incredible strengths of others, and offer loving praise for their attainments.  Instead of coveting what we have yet to achieve, join with them in treasuring the unique blessings and abilities they have been given, or have acquired through labor.  Engaging in such a way will empower us to seek individual progression that we, too, may obtain what we are working towards.  When we recognize others for what they are, creating a focal point on their light, we find that our love better aligns with that of our Father, which is exactly what we are striving to acquire. 

Perhaps we are launched down a different path, and although distinct, still equals in the devaluing of differing abilities.  Instead of producing feelings of envy, Satan assembles thoughts that make us depreciate our own gifts simply because they do not duplicate another’s.  We take one’s achievements inwardly as a sign of inferiority that we are unable to accomplish the same thing.  We begin to belittle our own strengths, minimize our areas of power, and constantly compare what we aren’t to what others are.  This is a dangerous pathway.  It creates a selfish obsession, one in which we are constantly focused on ourselves, and avoiding the acknowledgement of others.  We find embarrassment or shame regarding the talents we have been endowed, and instead of exerting to magnify them, we seek to keep them hidden, because we fear they will be viewed as inadequacies.  We find we lack motivation to procure new abilities because we are apprehensive that we will fail, or will fall short to another.  This is perilous because we have been taught that what we do not develop will be taken from us, and nothing more will be provided.  We must seek to appreciate what we have been given.  No, it may not match your sibling, your friend, or a member of your ward family, but it is uniquely yours.  This gift has been presented for a specific purpose and as you strive to enhance it you will have opportunity to bless and strengthen others that so desperately require what you have that they currently lack.  For every gift is given to benefit us all.

For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.  To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby. (D&C 46:11-12)

Our individual gifts, especially differing gifts, allow us to come together, and to work jointly, as a family in Christ.   It produces unity and helps us realize how intensely we need one another.  We should shout with joy when one accomplishes a great feat, for their newly gained strength will add immense good to our life, or to another that is in need.  We need never feel insufficient because we cannot perform or execute a specific ability synonymously to another.  Instead we should seek to uplift and appreciate them for what they offer, and in turn extend our strengths that we can add blessings to those that surround us.  We are unified.  We are one.  We have been sent to assist and help each other.  We must conduct ourselves as such.  

We are magnificent, uniquely wonderful children of our Heavenly Father.  We are divinely established and are made up of light.  There are areas within us that may be dim, but they simply have an absence of illumination, and are awaiting our focus.  We have specific and significant importance here upon this earth.  We have each been blessed with individual gifts and abilities.  They differ from each other, but that is what makes us such a necessity.  We require others and what they have to offer us, and we are essential to them.  As we align our perspectives to the eternities, blocking the temporal outlooks that are created by Satan, we will find that our strengths take center stage, our weaknesses become optimistic opportunities, and our delight comes from admiring and applauding others.  The Lord created us divergently that we might learn a prerequisite of celestial living, that we are profited as we engage in collaboration, for the eternities are made up of endless unification. 

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Beloved, Think It Not Strange.

The most consuming piece of a trial is the loneliness that abides alongside it.  Even if you are enduring a specific tribulation with others linked to your side, they are still given and experienced independently.  I find it interesting to observe and discover the striking distinction a combined hardship has on each individual that encounters the same, or identically matched, adversity.  Their reactions, the depth of their sorrows, the length of their suffering is dissimilar, although their affliction is delivered by equivalent circumstances.  This is where the feelings of isolation embark. 

Although we are blessed with helping hands that are administering to our physical, emotional, or spiritual needs, we still have times of deep loneliness.  They come in the darkened moments of night when the anguish crushes our middle so strongly, we are astounded that our structured bones are able to withstand such a weight.  Or arise while attempting to manage the torture of emotions which have trapped themselves in our soul, so extensively, our tongue cannot pull them from their cavern, to reveal in words.  And if we are able to supply an expression to describe what we are enduring, it is cluttered, disorganized, and never matches the wretchedness of our state of existence.  Or perhaps they surface in unexpected moments, when our heart no longer tolerates its throbbing, so it seems to stop, and its absence tears you to your knees, trembling tears descend your cheeks, suffering its collapse.  These overpowering moments is where we normally meet feelings that make us convinced we’ve been forsaken.  It is a predictable destination, but our belief is faulty. 

These seconds, the ones in which we feel deserted, are times where we are unaccompanied by mortal companionship, but are enclosed in the sanctuary of our Savior’s presence.  Never are we closer to Him.  In fact, I believe that during these circumstances the veil dwindles like nothing we have ever experienced prior.  If this is the case, why do we feel so incredibly distant within these woeful moments?  It is because we have forgotten to turn the handle of the door, the one he anxiously knocks upon, where He stands aching to relieve the heartbreak that exists within us.  It’s not that we fail to open the door because we don’t want His succor, but more commonly because we have neglected the understanding that He cannot be permitted unless we ask it of Him.  He will never impede.  He will never overtake our gifted agency.  So He desirously waits, hoping that we will decide upon Him.  That we will turn our hearts over to His healing hands, where they will be restored, rehabilitated, and restructured in a way which will allow endurance throughout the continuation of the appointed adversity. Our responsibility is not difficult, but is frequently consigned to oblivion.  Not always because we defiantly direct it that way, but perhaps because we become entirely consumed in finding temporal resolutions, which make us leave behind the remembrance of our available spiritual solutions. 

My conviction of individualized sufferings has brought significant strength to my life and extensive power to my testimony.  Through my continually developing comprehension of this concept, I have come to know how unique and purposeful I am to my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, as well as what immense value my opportunity on earth is.  I have heard it described that trials are presented by a “grab bag” method.  As if by random, the Lord pulls a specified tribulation from his sack and then works it into our fate.  If this is the case, then it would starkly defile the belief that we are abiding individualized existences and given uniquely customized tests that will heighten our weaknesses within this mortal probation.  We would be sent here to survive an unmethodical and erratic series of events.  Nothing would have personalized purpose.  Perhaps some designated trials would be relatable to enhancing our defects, but others would have no motive besides persisting through them.  This absolutely cannot be so. 

I strongly believe that every, single trial that is established in our lives is provided from a devoted, loving, and all knowing Heavenly Father, that is laboring to refine us.  This includes our immense adversities, the ones that seek to claim our souls, down to the smaller trials that are experienced more frequently, but still serve purpose to teach and intensify our deficiencies.  If it was constructed in any other fashion it would desecrate the understanding that our Father and Savior are Omnipotent beings.  If they delivered tribulation in an arbitrary fashion, they would have no prior knowledge to what we would be given.  However, They do know all things.  They are prepared for all delivered circumstances in our life, because they have allowed and presented them for our specific areas of need.  They know our individual strengths, and are aware of our individual imperfections that need development before we can return to Them.  Our Heavenly Father and Savior’s ways are orderly.  All they do is in love.  Delivering trials to merely stack up experiences in life has never been their objective.  Our Father finds no joy in seeing His children suffer.  He provides trials for the purpose of magnification, leading to a state of perfection.  The very condition which is required to return home.  Nothing is done haphazardly, nothing is permitted without design, no hardship is presented without intention of purifying our blemished souls. 

I have a great deal of passion regarding this belief, because I have come to recognize the truthfulness of it by way of personal experience.  The commencement of my understanding began by looking backward.  As I reflected on overcome tribulations I was able to distinctly identify the specific reasons in which the trial was allowed, how persevering through it added great aid in my development, and how prominent the Lord’s hand was throughout my journey, for it was perpetually intertwined.  This is a common realization of reality by many that review prior adversities.  These moments of contemplation have added depth to my testimony, but solidification of this conviction arrived as I recognized His presence, the individuality of my given adversity, and was able to quickly acknowledge specific weaknesses that were being target by His purifying fire, in the very moment of their occurrence.  This experience is found within a tribulation that is still being abided in this very moment of my life.  This test seems to be a continual one, and is the type of trial where some days my heart creates misery so intense I feel pummeled by its force, and find that begging the Lord for intervention is my only option.  But its my individualized tribulation.  I have no doubt.  No, I don’t understand all the purposes of it yet, especially the pieces that seem unjust.  No, I don’t have perspective over each area of myself that it will improve, because hopefully it will produce advanced portions of who I am that I have not been able to discern up to this point in my life.  But because of my experiences I have faith that it was given to me with an objective, allowed with a divine and patterned purpose.

I recall months leading up to the arrival of my trial, my Heavenly Father supplied multiple preparations relating to it.  I would never call them warnings, because to warn entails informing someone of impending danger.  No, they were preparations, because He knew I needed to be spiritually assembled before it was presented.  The night before this test came, I was reading in 2 Peter in the New Testament.  I came across a verse that lit my heart on fire.  It read:

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you. (2 Peter 4:12)

For a moment, I became crippled by the verse.  I remember not being able to do anything besides read it, first word to the last, and then back to the first.  It was as if the other phrases on the page fell away, and these twenty-two words were the only selection perceived by my eyes.  Never before have I so distinctly heard my Father speak to me.  I knew it was close.  The next day, it came.  As I have sought to withstand this complex and laborious tribulation, I find that this verse engulfs my mind.  This experience has given me such certitude that my Heavenly Father knows and understands exactly what I need to endure my trials.  He knew without a moments hesitancy that this adversity would be profound and in some moments completely  overpowering for me.  He knew that I would need a individualized reminder that He is aware of my suffering, but that with Him, I have the ability to overcome.  Because of the complexity and inequitable circumstances that form this tribulation, He knew that I would need a mental prompt that this adversity was given for a purpose.  That even in the heaviest of moments of despair, I could find faith in His words that this was not a strange series of events, but a customized test that would produce strength and purification for my soul.  Like always, He was right.  I did need it.  I do need.  Without it my resolve to push forward would be frail and debilitated by the force of the occurrences that continue to emerge. 

His personalization of my trial in such an unmistakable way has blessed my heart.  My core has been softened when it sought to stiffen, it has advanced when it desired to halt, and has been reinforced by His power, and released from the shackles of sorrow, when the circumstances become too oppressive.  I have such a testimony that this trial was not randomly chosen and pushed in my direction, neither has any other adversity I have endured.  They have been carefully constructed and deliberately provided that I may have opportunity of expansion.  My Heavenly Father, He knows me.  My Heavenly Father, He understands me.  My Heavenly Father, He recognizes my needs.  My Heavenly Father, the one who loves me in the way I crave to be adored, prepares me for my trials by satisfying my requirements, which strengthens me to withstand whatever may be presented.  When I reach the deepest, darkest, most fierce places within this journey, His words come rushing through the blackened night and flood my soul with hope.  Each time I find the courage to pick myself back up again and press onward. 

This trial has thrown me into moments of complete isolation.  I struggle explaining the under goings of my heart, even to those who are experiencing it with me.  I perceive feelings and events of this circumstance in an individualized way, so although it is a similar tribulation, those surrounding me cannot connect to my exact emotions and hardships, because they are suffering in a divergent way.  What I have come to realize is how imperative it is that I arrive to this lonesome state.  A place where I can turn to no one, except the Savior.  I must reach a point where He is the only one that exists beside me.  Where there is no one else, nor any other distraction to divert my heart.  These are the moments that I am utilizing the sacrifices my Savior made for me during His Atonement.  I am allowing Him to bear up my burdens, permitting Him to yoke Himself to my anguished side, and enabling Him to carry me when I become too frail to proceed.  This is where I learn.  This is where my humbled and broken heart is taught.  This is where I can grow, develop, and advance.  This is where my tribulation turns into soulful extension.  I have to arrive to this destination alone.  I cannot drag earthly companionship to these depths.  I must reach them unescorted, because my companion is awaiting.  I need Him.  I need only Him in these exhausted moments.  Because He is the only one who has an absolute knowledge of my sufferings, and just like every other experience, can perfectly succor my lonesome heart, because He, too, endured His own isolation.

I have never been more mistaken then when I believed that the Savior never existed without companionship of the Father.  Christ was more than a mortal man, and I frequently reflected on His closeness with Heavenly Father.  However, when Jesus took upon Himself the sins of the world, our sins, He became unclean, and was unfit to be in the Father’s presence.  The Father, only being able to abide in the presence of purity, had to depart from His suffering Son.  Our Savior, who never made an error, never sinned, never broke covenant nor command, was forsaken, left alone, because He so loved the world.  Because He so loved you and I.  He knows exactly how we feel when we arrive to Him, unaccompanied, struggling to sustain the torturous depths of our heartache.  Not because He has been told and educated on how it feels, but because He has experienced it Himself.  His perfect understanding by way of identical personal experience is the very reason why He waits so eagerly to come to our rescue.  Although as mortals we have similarities in the tribulations we meet, only He has experienced our individual circumstances equivalently.  He seeks to avail our sufferings because He perfectly remembers the way the agony busts our heart.

Our trials do not arrive by coincidence, nor are they produced by careless or unplanned strategies.  They are individually composed and enabled for our specific areas that stand in need of refinement.  The Lord knows us incomparably.  Some may ask, Why does it matter if we have testimony of such a thing?  I intensely believe our remembrance of the customization of our trials can bring fortitude and resilience during our moments of suffering.  As we ruminate on His personalized paths towards perfection we will never think it strange as our trials emerge.  Instead we will find bravery and endurance to withstand, because we know that we have received it for a specified purpose.  There is something, whether we are aware of it or not, that is incomplete within us, that will be made whole through the afflictions of our trial.  Our faith in this area also helps us recall His dedication to us as we abide our adversity.  He does not provide a trial and then watch from the distance to see how we will manage.  Instead he is fixed at our side holding us up when all we desire to do is collapse.  This does not mean that He mends or diminishes the blows of our tribulation, we must remember that. He allows them to proceed, not out of lack of love, but because of the depth of His love.  He permits us, even though it is burdensome to watch, to suffer that we be purified.

Just as the Lord provided me with preparation for my tribulation, He will supply each of us with exactly what we require to sustain.  However, these gifts are not presented in an ostentatious manner.  They are quiet, and if not searched for, may go unnoticed.  We must seek for spiritual discernment that we may hear His voice and recognize His hand.  With some trials these identifications are more easily perceived.  Others are much more difficult.  When we find a lack of proof of His presence, we must seek by way of prayer and study, to have our eyes opened to His encompassing protection and devotions.  I promise that the moment you fully open your heart to Him, you will find every evidence and verification of His existence in your life and notice how interweaved He is in your circumstances.  I know it to be true.  I promise it.

As our adversities rage forward, we must not become frightened by the loneliness that will appear.  Instead we must allow it to transport us to destinations of desolation.  It is there that we will find complete companionship and restoration from the One who knows precisely how we are suffering.  When we arrive to this place, we must not forget that we need to inquiringly open our mouths, allowing words of authorization to tumble outward.  As we do, He will defend, bear, carry, support, and love us through every inch of our trial.  With our heightened testimonies there is no depth we cannot overcome, no despair we cannot conquer, no heartache we cannot relieve, because the Almighty, the Unconquerable, He is our companion.  With faith in this truth, we will meet every tribulation that is delivered, and we will never, not ever, think it to be strange. 

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