Things To Act.

We exist among a crumbling society.  Surely, this is not a new awareness.  With the continual emergence of corrupted ideologies, multiplying distractions which lead towards spiritual apathy, and a persistently growing civilization that seems to further itself from Christ at a more rapid pace, can supply trouble to a heart.  Perhaps, we are beginning to see the fulfillment of prophecies that have been preserved to warn us of the times in which we are entering.  We are truly noticing and feeling the strength that Satan’s power is gaining in our world today.  Among his most intensified weapons are his deceptions and the prevalence and depth of his trickery, for they seem to lurk around every corner.  Our test here in this mortal sphere is being heightened.  With deterioration occurring on every side, how do we sustain?  How do we fix our testimonies in such a way that we will not find ourselves numbered among those who become deceived?  The words Lehi spoke to his sons as he prepared to return home, have always given me great understanding of what I must do, and what immense potential I have, in receiving spiritual protection, no matter the circumstances I live among.  And he declared:

...I speak unto you these things for your profit and learning; for there is a God, and he hath created all things, both the heavens and the earth, and all things that in them are, both things to act and things to be acted upon.      (2 Nephi 2:14)

Remembering our celestial composition can help us identify which description we belong to within this verse.  Once we recognize which classification in which we fit, we can begin to comprehend our natural capabilities.  The Lord created His children uniquely and divinely.  Each one being endowed with special gifts and talents.  Within us lies the opportunity to one day become Gods and Goddesses, reigning with our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.  The Lord directed us to Earth with the ability to choose for ourselves, good or evil.  He did not place limitations or restrictions upon our free agency, but allowed us to be in control all the days of our mortal probation.  We are exceptional beings.  We are His children.  With this knowledge we can declare that we would never belong to a category of things to be acted upon.  If we did not, or could not, act until something or someone empowered us to, we would be existing in a world like unto the one Satan sought to create for us.  One without freedoms and one where every thought, every action was controlled based on the determination of another.  This is not Heavenly Father’s plan, and it is not the arrangement of our earthly life.  

Knowing our divinity and aptitudes, the definition of things to act can describe who and what we are.  With this clearly recognized, we can realize the power our individual choices and efforts have in building an immovable and anchored spiritual foundation.  This scripture taught me one of the most important truths in relation to the building of my spirituality, that it is up to me.  It is up to me how fortified my testimony becomes.  It is up to me how close my relationship with my Heavenly Father is.  It is up to me how well I know my Savior, and how much of my life He consumes.  It is up to me how I use my days of testing, whether in idle living or anxious engagement.  My salvation, with the coupling mercy and love from my Savior’s sacrifices for my sins, is up to me.   And all that is required is that I act. 

My most beloved teaching comes from the book the Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball.  If you haven’t ever read this book, read it.  The way he lovingly, yet powerfully, teaches of sin and its consequences is a needed realization we should all come to a knowledge of, especially since the world works so hard in warranting unrighteous living.  I found myself frequently saying while I read: This is how I envision my Heavenly Father speaking to me.  Directly, strongly, yet full of love and hope.  If there is only one book you read this year, allow it to be this one.  My most favored section is chapter seven, on the sins of omission.  Since reading it years ago, it has stood strongly as my most cherished lesson learned.  There are a few reasons to this.  One, I found distinct areas of my life that were in desperate need of improvement if I was to increase spiritually.  And two, it helped me discern some of the greatest fabrications that Satan utilizes in today’s world. 

A sin of omission is essentially failure to do what is right, emphasis being placed on failure to do.  Do we evaluate our righteousness by the lack of erroneous acts in our lives?  If this is how we calculate, we are neglecting the largest portion of our dedication to the Lord and the most substantial contributor in building our spiritual foundations.  Righteous actions are a requirement in demonstrating our commitment, in fulfilling our covenants, and in heightening our spiritual development.  Our virtuous deeds are what bring us into the Lord’s presence, allow us to gain knowledge, and keep us from being deceived by Satan’s worldly redefinitions.  Recalling that we are things to act, we can understand that we can never satisfy that portion of our formation unless we place our diligent efforts and enthusiastic energies into righteous actions.  As I have pondered on this topic I have come to perceive three areas that Satan focuses fiercely upon, seeking to grasp us by way of his craftiness, until he has a firm, merciless grip.  He sways through actions of passivity.  He encourages behaviors of slothfulness.  He whispers lies of justifiscation. 

Becoming passive is deadly to our spirits.  Our souls require constant nourishment and stimulation to develop.  Without restorative sustenance it weakens, and if neglected long enough, will shrivel away.  It acts, necessitates, and desires in the same manner as any other living part of our body.  Because our souls cannot be discernable to the eye, we may become unobservant in the way we provide for it.  The needs of our spirits are made known to us through feelings and internal sensations, meaning that we must have a connection that allows us to be conscious of our spiritual progression.  It is of critical importance that we know and have a deep bond with our souls, and that we seek to nurture them above all else.  The peril of a withered spirit is that we may not promptly recognize its departure, and may only realize the intensity of its absence while enduring the ramifications that come from its demise.  

We receive spiritual nutrition by engaging in the things of His work.  By flooding our time with searching and pondering His words, providing selfless time to serving and loving others, magnifying our callings, listening to music that uplifts our souls and centers our minds on His grace, and in taking quiet moments to pour our hearts out to our Heavenly Father who sits waiting for us.   Essentially being active in anything that brings us nearer to Him.   It is true that we can follow these actions in such a fashion that they become routine.  I am a lover of patterns, and believe they are healthy rituals.  However, I have found that if I am not attentive to them, I can lose emotional passion and engaged concentration in fulfilling my responsibilities.  When we do something without energy, it is simply a cold action born from habit, and not an gesture of the heart.  Doing anything for our Heavenly Father and Savior that doesn’t fully embody the love we carry for them is only ordinary, and our affections for Them completely overwhelm anything average.  Because of this intense devotion, we can never allow our expressions of love to be demonstrated in a mediocre manner.  We must display the depth of our commitment through our energetic efforts, by constantly engaging in acts that illustrate our loyalty.  In conjunction to manifesting our love, this offers our souls a path towards expansion.

We live in a world that is gradually glamorizing slothful behaviors.  Perhaps, not always by intention, but with modern advances, and accumulating distractions, we have to be continually alert in the observation of our efforts or we may find ourselves diverted into such conduct.  Wasting time or becoming preoccupied with worldly interests and enjoyments can take priority in our lives, and leave little time for spiritual enhancement.  This was one of my largest areas of improvement.  I would never categorize myself as a lazy person.  I am a doer.  I like to be busy and involved and normally have my hands in multiple projects.  Originally when I came onto the topic of slothfulness I immediately thought to myself: I am active and love to work!  I am not a slothful servant.  However, as I allowed myself to ponder upon the topic, I came to see how ignorant my awareness was.  It is true that I was far from being indolent.  However, I found that my focus and energies were being placed in worldly desires, and I was carving out small amounts of time for spiritual development.  I would simply run through the actions of prayer and scripture study, sometimes as quickly as I could, so I could enjoy my favorite television program, or finish the project I was engaged in.  Because I was continuously active, engaged in worldly, but good works, and found myself to be constantly busy, I had an inaccurate perspective that my time was being well spent.  Indeed, I wore my busyness as a badge of honor.  Although it was time well spent in the sense that I was bettering myself temporally, which temporal growth is also an important area of advancement, I identified that I was replacing it with the time needed for spiritual emphasis.  I found that my soul was ravenous for deeper knowledge and enlightenment, which can only come through time spent with the Savior.  I reorganized my life and was more careful with my time, and where I placed my attentions.  As I gave undivided focus to my Savior, not limiting the duration, nor racing through the motions of my actions, I began to receive the illumination I was so craving.  My time with Him is so enthralling and absolute, I would sacrifice all to acquire more.  Truly the time we give to Him will never be wasted, nor will we wish we had spent it elsewhere.  Our souls delight in His presence, and develop under His edification.  We live in a temporal world, and the Lord wants us to grow secularly as well as spiritually.  We also know that life is to be enjoyed and not just endured.  However, we must be cautious that we do not replace things that are best, with things that are good. 

Satan is the master of justifications, and he seeks that we follow after his example.  He murmurs defensive rationalizations to why we may choose to become passive, why we permit slothful behaviors to become a standard, or why worldly distractions take priority over spiritual needs.  These justifications possibly come more frequently by way of excuse than by anything else.  My favorite quote from Spencer W. Kimball regarding this is as follows:

Many and varied are the excuses for sins of omission, and they are all irrelevant.

Satan seeks to have us become expert justifiers like unto himself, because he knows that it is what will keep us from progressing.  The more tangled we become in creating and supplying justifications and excuses, the farther we will be from focusing on the things that will help us to evolve.  The unfortunate part of this cycle is that we find that we become fettered by Satan’s deceptions, and we begin to lose comparability with things to act, and become more familiar with things to be acted upon.  This occurs because we allow Satan to become our master.  When we authorize him to have existence in our lives, he seeks to fulfill the plan that he originally sought to bring to earth, the plan of forced obedience.  He is a miserable soul, and aches to tear us down along side him, dividing our happiness as we go. 

We are uniquely endowed children of God.  We each have distinctive and extraordinary spiritual gifts.  We have been sent to earth to magnify these blessings, and to acquire additional talents.  At times we may feel that our earthly existence is perpetual, but it is far from that.  In fact, the time we spend here will be so minimal in comparison to our eternal prospects, that it will stand no larger than a minuscule dot on our personal timelines.  However, this short probation will stand as the most pivotal moment of our existence.  This is because it is our opportunity to prove our worthiness to live within His sight, and in reach of His arms.  Truly, there is no time to be squandered.  We must seek to never strive for mediocre progression, but attempt for superiority, because our objective is perfection.  We need never fear, we can obtain our intentions, although it may take repeated attempts. This is possible because we have been endowed with power and greatness from our Father, and our Savior stands yoked to our sides, supplying us with strength beyond our own.  As we block our ears to Satan’s whisperings, and instead seek veracious counsel from our Omnipotent Heavenly Father and Savior, we will be saved from Satan’s snares, and will find immense joy in employing and diligently using our free agency. 

Our focus must be in staying occupied in the things of the Lord and His gospel, with zealous efforts and eager energies.  We should seek to find satisfaction and happiness in our work, utilizing our free agency by engaging in things of our own free will, not always having to be commanded or asked before we act.  We must not allow the world to define how we involve ourselves, nor permit it to encourage us to replace best practices with good traditions.  We must keep our minds aligned with the Lord’s expectations, so that justifications do not become commonplace in the words that leave our mouths.  Above all, we must remember that righteous definitions were never created by man, they were originated by our Heavenly Father.  No mortal can redefine, amend, or adjust them to fit worldly yearnings.  If we have faith in the scriptures, we can have a firm understanding that our society will only continue to crumble.  Satan will become stronger, as will his distractions and deceptions.  However, as we prioritize our lives by placing Him as the cornerstone and primary emphasis, as well as becoming agents to act, we will find that we are kept erect.  Not barely hanging on, but powerfully standing.  Indeed, our spiritual foundations will be immovable, and it will be as such, because they are established in Him.  May we personify and exemplify the definition of our creation.  May we truly be things to act. 

 

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As I Have Loved You.

I am a craver of love.  So thoroughly it structures every aspect of my life; it always has.  The heart I was endowed beats off of affection.  I ache for love, and hunger to give it.  My heart has always seemed to be disarranged in the positioning of my life, and I sought endlessly to locate from where it originated.  Recently I was blessed with the opportunity to learn from which it came.  A precious man, two generations prior to my own, has a pounding muscle fixed in his middle, from which mine is arranged after.  It is an interesting thing to note that the things you inherit from those that are dear, sustain even if they are withdrawn from your side.  My heart can be used as an illustration of such.  Although the one who transferred my most favored gift did not linger beside me, my heart, being patterned after his own, imitated his workings.  Never did it need to be trained or guided to love in such a manner, it simply had an immediate evolvement.  It is an incredible phenomenon.  Throughout life my heart was met with fierce opposition, whose objectives desired to restructure its components and erase its origins.  However, it remained constant to its inborn abilities and desires, because the pieces of the giver were embedded within. 

What is it about love that has the world captivated?  Love appears in all dimensions of life.  It exists as such because it is what each of us desirously yearns for.  We thirst for the remedial abilities it holds.  Love is miraculous.  It can heal even the most broken of souls.  The shattered heart, even one that hold cavernous wounds, can find rehabilitation under its care.  The tormented mind finds refuge.  The fearful spirit discovers sanctuary.   Love is a motivator.   When fervently given, it inspires the recipient in an electrifying manner.  This occurs because the tender affection extends to our very core.  It exhilarates the heart and awakens the recognitions of who we are, and what we are destined to become.  We begin to be conscious of our incredible value, and that our individualized contributions during this earthly dispensation are of remarkable worth.  We recognize our significance in fulfilling the plan of our Father.  I know this to be fact, for my own heart has undergone transformation from being loved as such. 

  When I met Mathew, I was a weak soul.  Wandering through life, I held a defective conviction that love was merely an envisioned concept, one that I had immaturely created within my most wildest of imaginations.  I recall longing for it to be truth, but found the realities of life to only show a corrupted and cruel version of the love I once had confidence in.  Although I never stopped giving love the way I believed it should exist, I decided I was inadequate to receive it in the same fashion.  In order to shield my troubled heart, I created barriers around my most tender center, hoping that these blockades would create an obstacle so strong, that it would deter anyone from striving to enter.  Love was a desperate desire, but a hopeless objective.  The day I met the man, whom I now loving refer to as my husband, my guarded heart was pierced by his goodness. He was kind.  He was gentle.  A fragment of hope seemed to embed itself deep inside of me.  As our lives continued to connect, his love enveloped me.  Although all I seemed to offer was a petrified perspective of love, and a burdensome load of past life baggage, he adored me.  As I placed my trembling heart within his sturdy hands, he provided it with the most tender of affections.  All at once the love I had convinced myself was merely an figment of personal creation, became a beautiful reality.  I found that my walls rapidly plummeted at his feet.  Our path was not simple.  We encountered complications along the way as his love worked to repair what had been damaged, but he never ceased, only patiently abided all.  He loved me in an all-encompassing manner.  This profound love, jolted my heart to reality.  I found confidence in myself.  I felt important.  I realized my strengths, and received the courage to magnify them.  I worked to gain new abilities, and under his protection felt comfort in my failings, knowing that I could try again.  But most of all, His love helped me to recall who I was.  Who I am.  A daughter of God.  He respected me, admired me, and loved me as such.  Under his care I have received wings to fly, and he only strives to lift me higher, that I might soar. 

The reason love is so powerful, so influential, is because it calls our hearts to the remembrance of our Heavenly Father.  Earthly love cannot even begin to describe the type of tenderness He gave to us every moment we were in His presence.  It is so deficient, that it can hardly be compared to the eternal devotions in which we once delighted.  The arrangements of our soul are weaved with this love.  When another loves us with earnest sincerity, our hearts cling to the similarities we feel.  Pieces of our divinity remember it.  They remember Him.  We want so intensely to be consumed with His affections again, that any recollection of it inspires our spirits in advancing towards perfection, that we may return home to His outstretched arms.  Producing and supplying this type of love to those that surround us on this mortal journey is our responsibility.  It is our duty.  We should never examine whether someone is worthy of our love before extending it.  Christ is our absolute exemplar in this.  While on earth He loved all, even those that were shunned by others because of their immoral lifestyles or afflicted circumstances.  He did not pick and choose whom He would care for.  This is because He recognized every single individual for who they were, God’s child.  His understanding of this was so complete, that worldly imperfections and sins could never alter his perceptions.  We should strive to parallel our love with the love of our Savior’s, never ceasing.  His flawless exemplification of true love should be our objective.  We should give all efforts into acquiring the abilities needed to love others as such.  Loving in the same manner as our Savior is not a suggestion, it is an expectation.  We learn of our requirements through the Lord’s own words as He spoke:

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.  (John 13:34)

To emulate our Savior, we must learn how to love from within the deepest chambers of our hearts.  When we do so we will find the ability to love intensely, seeking to provide our affections, attentions, and devotions to those we are focused upon.  The words that exit our mouths should be occupied with compassion, motivations, and sincerities.  They should seek to uplift and enliven those we cherish.  However, it is most imperative that our words correspond with our actions.  No matter how exquisitely poetic our expressions of adoration may be, if they lack the deeds that manifest the love that lives in our hearts, they are nothing but hollow phrases that have been twisted in a beautiful fashion.  Allow love to be much more than a noun.  Demand it to be a verb, one that compels us into activity.  We must take the time that is required to learn the interworking of a heart.  We need to know how another aches to be loved, and work to fulfill that for them.  As humans we crave tangible affections.  At times it can be difficult to detect the love of our Father and Savior, because it is not manifested in a physically discernable way.  The Lord needs us to be His vessels in which to carry His love to others in a palpable manner.  He depends on us to help convey his affections for His children.  As we stand worthy of this opportunity, He will send us personalized inspirations for who we should reach for.  These motivations should never be dismissed, but should be energetically performed.  We will find that as we dispense this depth of affection and tenderness, our Heavenly Father and Savior’s love will pour down upon us.  Their closeness will be so incredibly distinct we will feel them stand by our sides.  The intrinsic love that survives in our hearts will be released and we will feel closer than ever before to our heavenly home. 

Satan will work tenaciously to alter our definition of love.  He is aware of its power and he detests its capabilities and the potential we acquire in utilizing it.  We must not permit him to do so.  Worldly love that we encounter may be cruel.  It may produce wounds and seek to cripple our hearts.  Instead of filling our souls, it may leave us aching.  However, we must remember that we did not learn to love from the world.  We were introduced to it, experienced it, and have evoked memories of it because we were taught by Him.  We must protect our understanding of love, and never allow our cores to become hardened.  We must have faith in the truthfulness of love, and continue to provide it to those that surround us, regardless of the experiences that have sought to demolish our convictions.  Just as my tender heart remembered the makings of its temporal originator, and sought to exist as such, despite the efforts to transform its arrangement, our spirits remember His affections, and are in constant yearning to supply and encounter love that is synonymous with His.  Overflow your life with love.  So fully that it spills from every word and every action that you give.  Be the instrument for our Father and Savior, the one that provides tangible proof of Their existence and continuation of love.  Love in such a manner that it stimulates hearts to the remembrance of the love They had, have, and will give when we return home again.  Love as They have loved you.  

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After Much Tribulation.

Have you ever been faced with the question: If there really was a God, why would He allow such painful things to happen to His children?  I can perfectly recall the ache that seemed to trace itself around the lines of an individual’s face as they spoke these words to me.  I could immediately recognize that this was far less of a question, but more of the imploring from a wounded heart.  The moment held me captive, and I found myself catapulted back into an exact moment of life where my disabled heart lamented similarly.   My experience was contrastive in the fact that I had never doubted the existence of my Heavenly Father, but rather became convinced that because of the consistent presence of tribulation in my life, I was simply unloved by Him.  I supposed myself to be flawed and defective in such magnitude that I was unfit and undeserving of His affections.  My young, troubled mind could not comfortably decide upon another explanation, and I came to believe it as truth.  It is a bitter place to find one’s self, but I don’t think that it is an uncommon place to be found. 

We are consistently taught and encouraged through the scriptures of our Father’s love for us, His children.  We are reminded of the perfection of that love, and that it outweighs any facet that we can attain to or find within this earthly sphere.  Hearing of this love, but then experiencing the suffering and sorrows of life may lead us to believe that a discrepancy exists, for surely love does not permit pain.  It may even create a notion of the miscalculation of His tender affections.  We may come to find ourselves, like I discovered myself at one time, doubting in that love or in our worthiness of receiving it.  Perhaps our mistrust has deepened and intensified, and we lose our faith that there is even a God that exists at all.  As we extract ourselves from the companionship of the Spirit, the mutterings of Satan may seem like a place of similitude.  Our souls ache for compatibility and yearn to be in a place of belonging.  They seek to be connected to another, hence why we find that we are either bonded to the Lord, or linked with the father of all lies.  We are never without a master.  When we affix ourselves with Satan, he will amplify our uncertainties.  We will find worldly ideologies which exaggerate our personally identified evidences.  As this process heightens, our intrinsic testimonies which we gained in the premortal life recede, and we become convinced that if there truly was a God, one who loves us such as the scriptures describe, we would be freed from afflictions by His solicitous hand.

Although our minds, and the surrounding society, may tell us it is improbable, there is a way to find correspondence between Heavenly Father’s love and His delivered adversities.  It is an understanding that does take time and requires patience.  Faith in this area is ordinarily gained line upon line, in place of an expeditious revelation.  However, when our comprehension does become paralleled with that of our Father, and we have the ability to see our afflictions for what they truly are, we find that our love for Him surges, and our ability to endure increases.  We identify that our tribulations actually bear witness of His existence, not contrariwise.  Additionally we are reminded of one of the great truths of His love, that it is not conditioned or bestowed to a select few.  The Lord is no respecter of persons. He does not pick and choose where His love will be delivered, but gives to all of His children identically.  The idea that allowing hardships and pains to fall upon us as an indication of love may seem antithetical, but when we define the purpose of trials, the two begin to correlate. 

What conquered adversity can we not reflect upon without distinguishing the refinements that were delivered because of their existence in our lives?  As we contemplate, we may see strengths that blanketed weaknesses.  We find an increase of knowledge in areas that were once unfamiliar to us.  We recognize acquired abilities and perspectives that we were once unacquainted with.  Regardless of the type, our tribulations undoubtedly make us better.  The connection between afflictions and our Father’s love are explained within these realizations.  Our most beloved Heavenly Father allows trials to come upon us, that we may be projected towards perfection.  Yes, the Lord is omnipotent.  Yes, His hand has the ability to shield us from suffering.  Yes, He has the power to remove any discomforts that may advance towards us.  However, He will and does, permit trials and tragedies to befall us.  Why would He do this to us, His cherished children?  Does He do this because He is unable to stop them from occurring due to a limited faculty?  Does He allow this because His love falls short of rescue?  Absolutely not.  It is given because He does love us so completely, and He desires, with every inch of His heart, for us to become who we are destined to be.  We are His work, and we are His glory.  He has a firm knowledge that without tests and afflictions, progression would not occur.  This understanding should not be hard for us to relate to.  What kind of a mortal parent would prevent their child from developing through the stages of life and growth?  In a temporal viewpoint we can see what disadvantages would occur to someone who was never given the opportunity to advance.  As earthly parents we would never hinder our children, even if it meant that they may suffer sorrows throughout the course.  If we are imperfect and crave these things for our children, than how much more does our Father in Heaven, who stands perfectly, want them for us?  Tribulations are not indications of His lack of existence, nor absence of His love.  They are manifestations of His actuality and bear witness of His devotions. 

There are two types of trials that have been the most difficult for me to align this understanding with throughout my life.  The first is trials that are experienced during times of worthy, righteous living.  It may bewilder our hearts to receive such a test, when we believe only blessings should be presented due to our faithful behaviors.  During moments where we are devoting all we have to the Lord and His kingdom, actively following and abiding by the commandments in which He has outlined, the presence of these afflictions may initially perplex us, and doubts may begin to appear.  However, my experience with these types of tribulations has given me the belief that these difficult moments, which originally seem mistimed, are the Lord’s way of demonstrating His trust in our abilities, as well as designing a way for us to enhance.  Let me share a specific example from my own life regarding these types of circumstances.

My dear husband and I fell away from the Church, and were unfaithful to the Lord for many years.  Through a series of blessed events, and through the redeeming power of the Atonement and grace of our Savior Jesus Christ, we had the gift of reentering the Gospel.  We were steadfastly dedicated.  We had reorganized our life patterns, had made individualized commitments, and were striving to disconnect from worldly things.  Our focal point truly was upon the Lord.  As we continued forward, we labored to be sealed in the temple.  We ached to have the blessings of eternal marriage, so much so that it was all the seemed to consume our hearts.  During this time, we received miraculous news regarding a blessing we had been longing for.  We would be expecting our first child.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and seemed to be continually upon my knees, tearfully thanking the merciful Lord for the arrival of this most treasured blessing.  I remember the week we prepared to enter the temple.  Excitement pulsed through my veins as I realized that the opportunity of entering into an eternal covenant with my life love, and now with our first child which I carried inside, was just days away.  I was embarking towards my eternal family.  My burning heart held exultation within its walls which could never be described through mere words.  The following day, I unexpectedly lost our precious baby, and entered into a most trying time.  I was devastated.  A few days following, we were scheduled to meet with the Stake President for the final signing of our temple recommends.  I vividly recall entering the doorway of the church.  A plastered smile labored to conceal my brokenness.  As we approached the door of his office, he stated that he would meet with my husband first.  I literally felt my soul sigh relief at his request.  As the door was closed behind them, I sat alone in the dimly lit foyer, head down.  I remember being fearful of the loyalty of my eyes, and worried that if they met someone walking past, they may betray me and spill my repressed sorrow.  Each moment seemed to linger, and I remember thinking of how slowly the time seemed to pass.  Abruptly, despair overflowed my heart, and I found myself weeping.  I remember the moment vividly.  I had the strongest sense of urgency to look up.  I initially resisted but the feeling remained and carried with it tender encouragement.  As I lifted my head, my eyes were met with the face of my Savior.  His picture hung on the adjacent wall.  My mourning soul was wrapped in immediate warmth.  I felt Him palpably standing at my side.  I remember reiterating these words over and over to Him: Why Lord?  I am faithful.  Why now?  The experience that followed is sacred to my heart, but His words were never more clear:  It will strengthen you.  This was made to prepare you. 

Since this experience I have been given continuous opportunities for growth, many of which seem to be presented during moments of my strongest faithfulness.  I believe that this is no coincidence.  These are the moments where the Lord is stretching us.  Our acts of devotion to His commands and requests, have enabled Him to trust in us.  He places these trials in our paths as a gesture of His confidence in who we are, and where we are in our lives.  What greater act of love can be shown than placing faith in one’s abilities?  Trials will be given in response to our disobedience, but they will also be presented, and perhaps more frequently so, during times of obedience.  These are the tests, which if endured faithfully, will elevate us the greatest. 

The second type of trial has been taxing on my heart.  It is the type of affliction that produces a suffering in which there seems to be no final destination.  They are continuous miseries that cling to us throughout life, perhaps even worsening as time marches onward.  These trials may seem so wrong and so incredibly unjust that it is hard to wrap our minds around the meaning for them in our lives.  A majority of these tribulations come by way of another’s actions or lack thereof.  These are the types of hardships that play a significant role in our loss of faith in the love of our Father.  Because these burdens are hard to understand, temporally or spiritually, it can be difficult to explain why the Lord permits them in our lives.  However, may I offer two suggestions that have come to me by way of my experiences with these types of trials, which may offer a solution.

The first, the Lord will never take away free agency from one of His children.  Never.  He promised to allow each of us to make our own decisions, and that He would never force, nor interfere with the choices that we make here on earth.  This means that people will make choices that produce consequences that are severe.  They will be required to endure these repercussions, but we may also have a part in surviving them.  The part of coping with ramifications that have nothing to do with our own actions, can be the most difficult to manage.  However, the promise to remember during these times of misery, is that all things will be made up to us when we return home again.  Every single inequitable circumstance we suffer, will be rectified.  Our Savior will heal our overwhelmed hearts in such a way that the very memory of our sufferings will be dispelled from our minds.  Anything that was taken or not given, will be supplied.  Anything that has deformed us-whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual-will be mended.   At times in my life, having this assurance memorized has been the only thing that has kept me standing.

The second, and perhaps most significant opportunity we are given, through these burdens we gain the unique ability to empathize with another who is called to endure the same vexatious path we have once trodden.   Although this ability may seem initially insignificant, its impact is momentous, and its greatness should never be undermined.  The closer we come to mastering this attribute, the nearer we come to our Savior.  Reflect on the Garden of Gethsemane.  Why did the Savior choose to suffer every pain, grief, stress, or torment, that we may encounter in this life?  We know that He suffered that we may have repentance, but He underwent all the agony He did, so that He would have a perfect knowledge of our sufferings.  He yearned to carry us, no matter how extensive the depths of our despair would be.  He ached to be the one that would sustain us through the very darkest of nights.  He wanted to know exactly how to succor us, and not because someone had told Him how it felt, but because He, Himself, had survived it.  He loved us so much that He never wanted us to have to say, No one can understand what I am enduring.  Because of this intense desire, He permitted wretched misery to come upon Him, so great that it caused Him to bleed from every pore.  When we abide trials, no matter how unbalanced they may be, we are preparing ourselves to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands in comforting another.  Because we have experienced similarities regarding the torture they exist in, we can aid them unlike any other.  We can partner with our Savior in delivering tangible relief to their heartaches.  For those who are presented with harsh and unrelenting tribulations, this knowledge speaks volumes to the responsibility we have in ministering unto others.  Because we have been given much, even if what is being presented is a heart wrenching affliction in which to learn, we, too, must give.

There is one thing I am certain of, this mortal experience is not called a test for no reason.  Life is not easy, in fact, most times we will find that it is incredibly challenging.  Tribulations will be appointed unto us where the magnitude seems so great, the sufferings so severe, that we may cry out that we are unable to bear such a burden.  During these moments we may seek for a clarification as to why they are being appointed unto us.  We may feel forsaken by our Father in Heaven, feeling distanced from His love.  We may even become so discouraged, that we may find doubts conquering our faith in Him.  During these times we must remember that our eyes are only viewing the temporal, our hearts are only feeling the mundane.  These trials will work as a refining fire, discarding our deficiencies and revealing our divinity.  Our Heavenly Father is pouring love upon us, and as He is allowing us to become perfected, He is unveiling our pathway home to Him.  Although some of these moments of misery seem to have no conclusion, as we look back upon them from the eternities, they will become almost microscopic.  It can be hard to remember with mortality surrounding us, but we must persevere in faith and patience, for the blessings that follow our devoted endurance cannot be fathomed.  Our earthly perspectives, no matter how fantastic our imagination, could never conceive such glory.  It is not based upon a matter of hope, it is formed from the literal promises of the Lord, as committed in His words:

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings.  Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory. (D&C 58:3-4)

Keep your eyes fixed upon these blessings.  Allow trials to increase your faith, not diminish it.  And above all, race to the side of another whose burdens weaken their hearts, and confuse their souls.  Be the one to hold their hand as they enter the purifying fire which will encircle them.   Be the fortification that will provide them with courage to withstand its paralyzing blaze, that they may walk from it refined, closer than ever before in returning from whence they came.  Home.  He’s waiting.   

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We Do Not Doubt Our Mothers Knew It.

There is nothing that pulls at my core more than when I hear women utilize the phrase: “I’m just a mom.”  I am a person of passion, especially towards things that are significant to my heart.  When those words hit my ears, my passion explodes!   My immediate reaction is to hug that woman until the comprehension of her hallowed role is implanted in her heart.  Luckily, I have carried my intensity all my life, and have the ability of restraint.  Which is a positive.  Because if not, I could be existing with a shorter list of friends, and a longer one of people frightened in my presence. 

It is verifiable that we are existing in a world that is laboriously engaged in devaluing and dishonoring the role of motherhood.  The world would seek to define a mother as one of little worth to society, one who makes diminutive contributions.  This ideology is pernicious, and if magnified, will bring detrimental consequences.  Yet, we should be prepared for this philosophy to swell.  Heber J. Grant described motherhood as follows:

“Motherhood is near to divinity.  It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” 

If we believe this to be true, we can detect why Satan would forcefully target this role, as his emphasis rests on the corruption of the family unit. 

Becoming a mother isn’t just assuming a role, it is accepting a calling.  The most paramount calling that will be bestowed upon a woman, sent straight from her Father in Heaven.  There will be nothing that we will engage in, prior or subsequently, which will surpass the opportunities that are presented to us within this responsibility.  The influence and impact we have as we tenderly love and nurture our children will supply future blessings that not only we will delight in, but which will be contributed to the approaching generations.  Our perceptions of our significance must constantly be evaluated.  If not, the repetitive actions that motherhood requires may recede our recognition of the importance of our calling.  We may find ourselves confused and questioning our place in the Lord’s eternal plan.  We may define ourselves by the monotony of our duties, and not by the sanctity we are producing in our homes.  We may identify that we are more easily enticed by the persuasions of Satan, and permit him to murmur falsehoods regarding worthlessness to our ears, which wander to our hearts and minds.  It is in those moments we may discover ourselves timidly describing our dignified calling as though it is nothing but an inferiority.

Understanding that our Heavenly Father allows women to collaborate with Him, essentially appointing us as co-creators alongside Him, accentuates this noble office.  I am continuously humbled when I recognize the trust and confidence my Father has in me to deliver His children into my hands.  His certainty that I can raise them unto Him intensifies my devotion to the calling I have been given.  I read once that children are not gifts entrusted unto us, but rather invaluable loans, ones to be returned.  It is remarkable how much truth exists in that definition.  Our Heavenly Father sends His children into our hands.  He requests that we edify, care, and love them.  And not with an earthly love, but with an eternal love, one that will spark the truths that lie within their hearts and will bring them to an understanding of the innate testimonies that they were delivered with, and help them to assume the missions they were sent to fulfill.  The duty is ours to increase their excellence. 

As mothers our roles are complex and extremely diverse.  The overwhelming list of responsibilities brings insight into the impact we are allowed to have on our children.  As mothers we love, provide, clean, forgive, comfort, protect, sacrifice, aid, create, defend.  The index continues on.  But my most cherished role of all is that of teaching.  Along with the collaboration of the father, there is no other individual that has more influence on a child’s testimony than that of their mother.  Teaching is one of the most imperative duties that we have.  Women are blessed with tender hearts, and it is no coincidence.  These compassionate vessels allow us to discern pieces of our children that others may not be conscious of.  It enables us to recognize strengths within them, and to perceive weaknesses or vulnerabilities which could hinder their development.  As we become aware of these identifications, we are guided to know in what direction to lead these special spirits.  The power of knowing and understanding what and how to teach is communicated through the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.  Knowing this, it sets an example of how imperative it is that we constantly keep ourselves worthy of His companionship.  We have been promised that as we do so, we will be given, even within the very moment, the words that our children need to hear.  As we combine our teaching with the Holy Ghost, the Spirit will penetrate their heart, and those intrinsic components of testimony that they knew in the premortal sphere will be ignited.  The truth will be brought to their recognition.  This commencement of testimony building we establish will be remembered, and increased upon throughout their life, and will assist them in times where their faith may be tried or tested.  The story of Helaman’s two thousand stripling warriors is evidence of this. 

The stripling warriors were sons of Ammon.  These young men chose to fight a dangerous war with the Lamanites, in place of their repentant fathers who had covenanted with the Lord to never take up arms again. The conflict was a perilous one, and threatened the very lives of these boys.  However, they did not fear, no, their hearts did not waver.  Their secured and powerful testimony that the Lord would be their safeguard, allowed them to courageously enter and endure this battle.  Helaman’s account of their actions describe where they acquired their steadfast faith in the Lord:

Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it .(Alma 56:47-48)

That last line is my favorite.  Obviously we can assume that these young men were taught through word by faithfully devoted mothers.  But even more impressive, their mothers righteous behaviors allowed the understanding that the faith in which she taught, she also genuinely believed and followed.  These women taught their sons by way of action how to have faith in the Lord, possibly through deeds they were not even aware were being observed.  Their continuous example buoyed up the hearts of their sons during a moment of spiritual testing.  As we utilize this example in our responsibilities as teachers to our children, we can seek to ensure that every role we engage in within our motherhood career is created and exemplified through actions of trust in the Lord.  Although seemingly small or insignificant to us, they will stand as a mighty force of strength for our children as they observe and witness our faith, not only as we verbally teach, but as we interact in our daily positions.  As we combine actions of faith with our everyday tasks, no matter how mundane they may appear, we will stand as a burning example, one that will be branded upon the very hearts of these precious souls.  We must never approach this charge casually. 

My heart is thoughtful to those that are unable to bear children in this life.  Having a period of time with my own unanswered desires in this area, and watching the sorrow that the lack of opportunity can create in those I have loved and admired, I wish to assert that to assume these responsibilities of motherhood does not mean that you must bear children yourself.  As women we are divinely united.  What child does not remember another woman’s care in their youth that contributed to their development and spiritual growth?  Whether we have children of our own, or not, our Heavenly Father has given us the duty to teach and raise up His children unto Him.  I know this to be true, as I have watched the example of another add spiritual strength and influence to my own children.  My sister is a powerful example of righteousness.  She had a grand part in my own conversion.  Although she has no children of her own, she is constantly contributing to one of the roles of motherhood by assuming her role as a teacher.  She sets a spiritual example to my children, utilizes her tender heart to know them, and leads them by word and deed.  Although my children are relatively young, her impact has been monumental in our home.

As women and daughters of God, may we unify and actively satisfy the responsibilities we have been charged with.  As we stand as exemplars of faith, not only through word, but also through action, we can have hope that our influence will build and guide our children that they will not be caught in the snarls and traps of Satan.  And when their individual faith is tried, they can be lifted up by the foundation of our righteous teachings.  May they find themselves much like the warriors of Helaman, powerfully declaring, We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

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Will Ye Also Go Away?

As I have endeavored through the short span of life I have been given thus far, there are a few realities that my heart has become well versed in.  The first, life is unbalanced.  Unequal treatment is something we have, or will at some point, experience.  Life was never patterned after just circumstances.  The second, the things that are most beloved, are frequently withdrawn from our side.  Although absent, they stamp enduring impressions within us that become apart of our identity.  The third, people forsake.  My eyes divulged this actuality to my heart, as I came to know what the back of another looked like as they departed from my side.  Some of these truths I am presently grasping, others were acquired in the initial moments of life.  Each has had a role in my evolvement, but the third has been the one with the greatest impact, thoroughly shaping my existence.  Although pain exists in its presence, gratitude is abundant.  For my familiarity with this certitude, derived my absolute conversion to the Lord.

There is no scripture I weep through more than the sixth chapter of John, which knowing the contents may seem curious.  This chapter is full of miracles.  Within it Christ feeds 5,000 from five loafs of bread and two small fish, and also walks upon the tempest sea.  Although dear to me, these are not the pieces that produce the ache.  No, the component that pulls at my core, is found five verses from the end.  Jesus is within the synagogue teaching the Jews.  He is expounding the truth that He is the living bread.  That through Him we receive eternal life.  Confounded by the principles that He is trying to relay, many of his once devoted disciples fall away from Him, never to return.  The truths of the gospel can be difficult for a mortal mind to interpret, and if not pondered upon, can feel strange and unfamiliar to our hearts.  As He observes those who were once faithful become disloyal by their confusion, He turns to His apostles and speaks the words that penetrate my maimed heart:

Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

I can distinctly recall when my eyes first fell upon these words.  I experienced instantaneous attachment.  The very deepest components of my heart could identify with the saddened inquiry the Savior directed to His apostles.  It was one of those moments where the scriptures are likened unto your personal circumstances in such a way that your soul clings to the congruity it has discovered.  I wept.  And I do each time I study this chapter. 

The Savior has an incomparable understanding in being forsaken.  None will match the abandonment, rejection, and betrayal that He withstood.  From the youngest moments of His life, He was despised.   King Herod enviously sought the tiny baby’s life, and left a path of destruction behind him as he attempted to obtain his objective.  From the commencement of His ministry, He was met with hatred.  He was designated a liar.  He was considered a blasphemer.  He was reviled against.  He was persecuted.  But for any of us who have experienced the heartache that comes from another’s relinquishment, we may understand that perhaps the most distressing of all was being renounced by those who called themselves His faithful followers and loyal friends.  This occurrence was a constant in His life.  Although vague, multiple scriptures indicate that some of Christ’s own familial relations were plagued with this same pattern of perfidy.  The most incredulous example, however, lies in the story of Judas.  The details that produced his treachery can seem inconceivable.  His time of arrival, immediately following the Atonement, stands as a symbol itself, of his careless fidelity to the one who had just suffered excruciating agony to provide him with eternal redemption.  Choosing temporal wealth over loyalty to his Master, he sold his commitment for silver.  He utilized the most traitorous token that could have been chosen, a kiss, to identify the Savior to the awaiting mob.  A kiss in this day stood as an emblem of love and fellowship, and selecting it as his means of identification, violated every aspect of companionship and brotherhood that had been formed.  I cannot imagine the torment that swallowed the Savior’s heart in these moments.  To be forsaken in such a manner would cause mine to burst.  And the most astonishing fact remains, that Christ had a perfect knowledge of his betrayal far before it occurred.  Before He even chose Judas as His disciple, He knew that one day his heart would falter and he would be in equal partnership with those who would induce His crucifixion.  Jesus Christ had an absolute understanding of the reality that people forsake. 

Although our Savior no longer walks upon the earth, His experiences with being forsaken are far from over.  His heart continues to endure the grief of being abandoned, rejected, and betrayed.  As we study and ponder on the scriptures that provide details of His life, most of us may intensely declare that we would never forsake Him as so many before us have.  But the truth lies in the fact that many still do, and during moments or periods of our own life, we too, may find ourselves counted among those who have eliminated loyalty from Him.   Whether through acts of omission or sins of commission, the result is the same.  We have turned our backs on the very one who stands as our Redeemer.  The one who willingly laid down His life that we may delight in eternal blessings, which are so glorious that they are beyond the ability to express in word.  The one who never hesitates to comfort and save us from sorrows or pain, whether that grief comes by way of our own actions or through decisions of another, He waits with open arms to heal.  We have deserted our Lord, the one that we so anxiously followed and recognized in premortal existence.  The very one we promised to find and obey in this earthly dispensation, because we wanted to be like Him, and we absolutely craved to have His nearness.  We have withdrawn from the only one who will never withdraw from us.  He will never abandon.  We will never know what the back of Him looks like as He departs, because He has given His unending assurance that He is securely positioned by our side.  We will never find heartache or despondency in His presence, only perpetual loyalty and devotion. 

As we recite the earnest question he directed to His apostles, may it be absorbed by our hearts and likened unto each of us individually.  May we understand that this inquiry was not only directed to those that stood with Him that day, but is relevant to us, and stands as an active request.  We must make our personal determination whether we will stay or forsake, and steadfastly follow our resolve, that the Savior may never need to ask of us if we, too, will leave His side.  I have gained awareness of a few of the actualities of life by way of experience.  These events have helped me to understand that flesh is weak, but one truth always remains above the rest, although people may forsake, my Savior, my Lord, He never will. 

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