After Much Tribulation.

Have you ever been faced with the question: If there really was a God, why would He allow such painful things to happen to His children?  I can perfectly recall the ache that seemed to trace itself around the lines of an individual’s face as they spoke these words to me.  I could immediately recognize that this was far less of a question, but more of the imploring from a wounded heart.  The moment held me captive, and I found myself catapulted back into an exact moment of life where my disabled heart lamented similarly.   My experience was contrastive in the fact that I had never doubted the existence of my Heavenly Father, but rather became convinced that because of the consistent presence of tribulation in my life, I was simply unloved by Him.  I supposed myself to be flawed and defective in such magnitude that I was unfit and undeserving of His affections.  My young, troubled mind could not comfortably decide upon another explanation, and I came to believe it as truth.  It is a bitter place to find one’s self, but I don’t think that it is an uncommon place to be found. 

We are consistently taught and encouraged through the scriptures of our Father’s love for us, His children.  We are reminded of the perfection of that love, and that it outweighs any facet that we can attain to or find within this earthly sphere.  Hearing of this love, but then experiencing the suffering and sorrows of life may lead us to believe that a discrepancy exists, for surely love does not permit pain.  It may even create a notion of the miscalculation of His tender affections.  We may come to find ourselves, like I discovered myself at one time, doubting in that love or in our worthiness of receiving it.  Perhaps our mistrust has deepened and intensified, and we lose our faith that there is even a God that exists at all.  As we extract ourselves from the companionship of the Spirit, the mutterings of Satan may seem like a place of similitude.  Our souls ache for compatibility and yearn to be in a place of belonging.  They seek to be connected to another, hence why we find that we are either bonded to the Lord, or linked with the father of all lies.  We are never without a master.  When we affix ourselves with Satan, he will amplify our uncertainties.  We will find worldly ideologies which exaggerate our personally identified evidences.  As this process heightens, our intrinsic testimonies which we gained in the premortal life recede, and we become convinced that if there truly was a God, one who loves us such as the scriptures describe, we would be freed from afflictions by His solicitous hand.

Although our minds, and the surrounding society, may tell us it is improbable, there is a way to find correspondence between Heavenly Father’s love and His delivered adversities.  It is an understanding that does take time and requires patience.  Faith in this area is ordinarily gained line upon line, in place of an expeditious revelation.  However, when our comprehension does become paralleled with that of our Father, and we have the ability to see our afflictions for what they truly are, we find that our love for Him surges, and our ability to endure increases.  We identify that our tribulations actually bear witness of His existence, not contrariwise.  Additionally we are reminded of one of the great truths of His love, that it is not conditioned or bestowed to a select few.  The Lord is no respecter of persons. He does not pick and choose where His love will be delivered, but gives to all of His children identically.  The idea that allowing hardships and pains to fall upon us as an indication of love may seem antithetical, but when we define the purpose of trials, the two begin to correlate. 

What conquered adversity can we not reflect upon without distinguishing the refinements that were delivered because of their existence in our lives?  As we contemplate, we may see strengths that blanketed weaknesses.  We find an increase of knowledge in areas that were once unfamiliar to us.  We recognize acquired abilities and perspectives that we were once unacquainted with.  Regardless of the type, our tribulations undoubtedly make us better.  The connection between afflictions and our Father’s love are explained within these realizations.  Our most beloved Heavenly Father allows trials to come upon us, that we may be projected towards perfection.  Yes, the Lord is omnipotent.  Yes, His hand has the ability to shield us from suffering.  Yes, He has the power to remove any discomforts that may advance towards us.  However, He will and does, permit trials and tragedies to befall us.  Why would He do this to us, His cherished children?  Does He do this because He is unable to stop them from occurring due to a limited faculty?  Does He allow this because His love falls short of rescue?  Absolutely not.  It is given because He does love us so completely, and He desires, with every inch of His heart, for us to become who we are destined to be.  We are His work, and we are His glory.  He has a firm knowledge that without tests and afflictions, progression would not occur.  This understanding should not be hard for us to relate to.  What kind of a mortal parent would prevent their child from developing through the stages of life and growth?  In a temporal viewpoint we can see what disadvantages would occur to someone who was never given the opportunity to advance.  As earthly parents we would never hinder our children, even if it meant that they may suffer sorrows throughout the course.  If we are imperfect and crave these things for our children, than how much more does our Father in Heaven, who stands perfectly, want them for us?  Tribulations are not indications of His lack of existence, nor absence of His love.  They are manifestations of His actuality and bear witness of His devotions. 

There are two types of trials that have been the most difficult for me to align this understanding with throughout my life.  The first is trials that are experienced during times of worthy, righteous living.  It may bewilder our hearts to receive such a test, when we believe only blessings should be presented due to our faithful behaviors.  During moments where we are devoting all we have to the Lord and His kingdom, actively following and abiding by the commandments in which He has outlined, the presence of these afflictions may initially perplex us, and doubts may begin to appear.  However, my experience with these types of tribulations has given me the belief that these difficult moments, which originally seem mistimed, are the Lord’s way of demonstrating His trust in our abilities, as well as designing a way for us to enhance.  Let me share a specific example from my own life regarding these types of circumstances.

My dear husband and I fell away from the Church, and were unfaithful to the Lord for many years.  Through a series of blessed events, and through the redeeming power of the Atonement and grace of our Savior Jesus Christ, we had the gift of reentering the Gospel.  We were steadfastly dedicated.  We had reorganized our life patterns, had made individualized commitments, and were striving to disconnect from worldly things.  Our focal point truly was upon the Lord.  As we continued forward, we labored to be sealed in the temple.  We ached to have the blessings of eternal marriage, so much so that it was all the seemed to consume our hearts.  During this time, we received miraculous news regarding a blessing we had been longing for.  We would be expecting our first child.  I was overwhelmed with gratitude, and seemed to be continually upon my knees, tearfully thanking the merciful Lord for the arrival of this most treasured blessing.  I remember the week we prepared to enter the temple.  Excitement pulsed through my veins as I realized that the opportunity of entering into an eternal covenant with my life love, and now with our first child which I carried inside, was just days away.  I was embarking towards my eternal family.  My burning heart held exultation within its walls which could never be described through mere words.  The following day, I unexpectedly lost our precious baby, and entered into a most trying time.  I was devastated.  A few days following, we were scheduled to meet with the Stake President for the final signing of our temple recommends.  I vividly recall entering the doorway of the church.  A plastered smile labored to conceal my brokenness.  As we approached the door of his office, he stated that he would meet with my husband first.  I literally felt my soul sigh relief at his request.  As the door was closed behind them, I sat alone in the dimly lit foyer, head down.  I remember being fearful of the loyalty of my eyes, and worried that if they met someone walking past, they may betray me and spill my repressed sorrow.  Each moment seemed to linger, and I remember thinking of how slowly the time seemed to pass.  Abruptly, despair overflowed my heart, and I found myself weeping.  I remember the moment vividly.  I had the strongest sense of urgency to look up.  I initially resisted but the feeling remained and carried with it tender encouragement.  As I lifted my head, my eyes were met with the face of my Savior.  His picture hung on the adjacent wall.  My mourning soul was wrapped in immediate warmth.  I felt Him palpably standing at my side.  I remember reiterating these words over and over to Him: Why Lord?  I am faithful.  Why now?  The experience that followed is sacred to my heart, but His words were never more clear:  It will strengthen you.  This was made to prepare you. 

Since this experience I have been given continuous opportunities for growth, many of which seem to be presented during moments of my strongest faithfulness.  I believe that this is no coincidence.  These are the moments where the Lord is stretching us.  Our acts of devotion to His commands and requests, have enabled Him to trust in us.  He places these trials in our paths as a gesture of His confidence in who we are, and where we are in our lives.  What greater act of love can be shown than placing faith in one’s abilities?  Trials will be given in response to our disobedience, but they will also be presented, and perhaps more frequently so, during times of obedience.  These are the tests, which if endured faithfully, will elevate us the greatest. 

The second type of trial has been taxing on my heart.  It is the type of affliction that produces a suffering in which there seems to be no final destination.  They are continuous miseries that cling to us throughout life, perhaps even worsening as time marches onward.  These trials may seem so wrong and so incredibly unjust that it is hard to wrap our minds around the meaning for them in our lives.  A majority of these tribulations come by way of another’s actions or lack thereof.  These are the types of hardships that play a significant role in our loss of faith in the love of our Father.  Because these burdens are hard to understand, temporally or spiritually, it can be difficult to explain why the Lord permits them in our lives.  However, may I offer two suggestions that have come to me by way of my experiences with these types of trials, which may offer a solution.

The first, the Lord will never take away free agency from one of His children.  Never.  He promised to allow each of us to make our own decisions, and that He would never force, nor interfere with the choices that we make here on earth.  This means that people will make choices that produce consequences that are severe.  They will be required to endure these repercussions, but we may also have a part in surviving them.  The part of coping with ramifications that have nothing to do with our own actions, can be the most difficult to manage.  However, the promise to remember during these times of misery, is that all things will be made up to us when we return home again.  Every single inequitable circumstance we suffer, will be rectified.  Our Savior will heal our overwhelmed hearts in such a way that the very memory of our sufferings will be dispelled from our minds.  Anything that was taken or not given, will be supplied.  Anything that has deformed us-whether it be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual-will be mended.   At times in my life, having this assurance memorized has been the only thing that has kept me standing.

The second, and perhaps most significant opportunity we are given, through these burdens we gain the unique ability to empathize with another who is called to endure the same vexatious path we have once trodden.   Although this ability may seem initially insignificant, its impact is momentous, and its greatness should never be undermined.  The closer we come to mastering this attribute, the nearer we come to our Savior.  Reflect on the Garden of Gethsemane.  Why did the Savior choose to suffer every pain, grief, stress, or torment, that we may encounter in this life?  We know that He suffered that we may have repentance, but He underwent all the agony He did, so that He would have a perfect knowledge of our sufferings.  He yearned to carry us, no matter how extensive the depths of our despair would be.  He ached to be the one that would sustain us through the very darkest of nights.  He wanted to know exactly how to succor us, and not because someone had told Him how it felt, but because He, Himself, had survived it.  He loved us so much that He never wanted us to have to say, No one can understand what I am enduring.  Because of this intense desire, He permitted wretched misery to come upon Him, so great that it caused Him to bleed from every pore.  When we abide trials, no matter how unbalanced they may be, we are preparing ourselves to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands in comforting another.  Because we have experienced similarities regarding the torture they exist in, we can aid them unlike any other.  We can partner with our Savior in delivering tangible relief to their heartaches.  For those who are presented with harsh and unrelenting tribulations, this knowledge speaks volumes to the responsibility we have in ministering unto others.  Because we have been given much, even if what is being presented is a heart wrenching affliction in which to learn, we, too, must give.

There is one thing I am certain of, this mortal experience is not called a test for no reason.  Life is not easy, in fact, most times we will find that it is incredibly challenging.  Tribulations will be appointed unto us where the magnitude seems so great, the sufferings so severe, that we may cry out that we are unable to bear such a burden.  During these moments we may seek for a clarification as to why they are being appointed unto us.  We may feel forsaken by our Father in Heaven, feeling distanced from His love.  We may even become so discouraged, that we may find doubts conquering our faith in Him.  During these times we must remember that our eyes are only viewing the temporal, our hearts are only feeling the mundane.  These trials will work as a refining fire, discarding our deficiencies and revealing our divinity.  Our Heavenly Father is pouring love upon us, and as He is allowing us to become perfected, He is unveiling our pathway home to Him.  Although some of these moments of misery seem to have no conclusion, as we look back upon them from the eternities, they will become almost microscopic.  It can be hard to remember with mortality surrounding us, but we must persevere in faith and patience, for the blessings that follow our devoted endurance cannot be fathomed.  Our earthly perspectives, no matter how fantastic our imagination, could never conceive such glory.  It is not based upon a matter of hope, it is formed from the literal promises of the Lord, as committed in His words:

Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation. For after much tribulation come the blessings.  Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory. (D&C 58:3-4)

Keep your eyes fixed upon these blessings.  Allow trials to increase your faith, not diminish it.  And above all, race to the side of another whose burdens weaken their hearts, and confuse their souls.  Be the one to hold their hand as they enter the purifying fire which will encircle them.   Be the fortification that will provide them with courage to withstand its paralyzing blaze, that they may walk from it refined, closer than ever before in returning from whence they came.  Home.  He’s waiting.   

Read More

We Do Not Doubt Our Mothers Knew It.

There is nothing that pulls at my core more than when I hear women utilize the phrase: “I’m just a mom.”  I am a person of passion, especially towards things that are significant to my heart.  When those words hit my ears, my passion explodes!   My immediate reaction is to hug that woman until the comprehension of her hallowed role is implanted in her heart.  Luckily, I have carried my intensity all my life, and have the ability of restraint.  Which is a positive.  Because if not, I could be existing with a shorter list of friends, and a longer one of people frightened in my presence. 

It is verifiable that we are existing in a world that is laboriously engaged in devaluing and dishonoring the role of motherhood.  The world would seek to define a mother as one of little worth to society, one who makes diminutive contributions.  This ideology is pernicious, and if magnified, will bring detrimental consequences.  Yet, we should be prepared for this philosophy to swell.  Heber J. Grant described motherhood as follows:

“Motherhood is near to divinity.  It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” 

If we believe this to be true, we can detect why Satan would forcefully target this role, as his emphasis rests on the corruption of the family unit. 

Becoming a mother isn’t just assuming a role, it is accepting a calling.  The most paramount calling that will be bestowed upon a woman, sent straight from her Father in Heaven.  There will be nothing that we will engage in, prior or subsequently, which will surpass the opportunities that are presented to us within this responsibility.  The influence and impact we have as we tenderly love and nurture our children will supply future blessings that not only we will delight in, but which will be contributed to the approaching generations.  Our perceptions of our significance must constantly be evaluated.  If not, the repetitive actions that motherhood requires may recede our recognition of the importance of our calling.  We may find ourselves confused and questioning our place in the Lord’s eternal plan.  We may define ourselves by the monotony of our duties, and not by the sanctity we are producing in our homes.  We may identify that we are more easily enticed by the persuasions of Satan, and permit him to murmur falsehoods regarding worthlessness to our ears, which wander to our hearts and minds.  It is in those moments we may discover ourselves timidly describing our dignified calling as though it is nothing but an inferiority.

Understanding that our Heavenly Father allows women to collaborate with Him, essentially appointing us as co-creators alongside Him, accentuates this noble office.  I am continuously humbled when I recognize the trust and confidence my Father has in me to deliver His children into my hands.  His certainty that I can raise them unto Him intensifies my devotion to the calling I have been given.  I read once that children are not gifts entrusted unto us, but rather invaluable loans, ones to be returned.  It is remarkable how much truth exists in that definition.  Our Heavenly Father sends His children into our hands.  He requests that we edify, care, and love them.  And not with an earthly love, but with an eternal love, one that will spark the truths that lie within their hearts and will bring them to an understanding of the innate testimonies that they were delivered with, and help them to assume the missions they were sent to fulfill.  The duty is ours to increase their excellence. 

As mothers our roles are complex and extremely diverse.  The overwhelming list of responsibilities brings insight into the impact we are allowed to have on our children.  As mothers we love, provide, clean, forgive, comfort, protect, sacrifice, aid, create, defend.  The index continues on.  But my most cherished role of all is that of teaching.  Along with the collaboration of the father, there is no other individual that has more influence on a child’s testimony than that of their mother.  Teaching is one of the most imperative duties that we have.  Women are blessed with tender hearts, and it is no coincidence.  These compassionate vessels allow us to discern pieces of our children that others may not be conscious of.  It enables us to recognize strengths within them, and to perceive weaknesses or vulnerabilities which could hinder their development.  As we become aware of these identifications, we are guided to know in what direction to lead these special spirits.  The power of knowing and understanding what and how to teach is communicated through the whisperings of the Holy Ghost.  Knowing this, it sets an example of how imperative it is that we constantly keep ourselves worthy of His companionship.  We have been promised that as we do so, we will be given, even within the very moment, the words that our children need to hear.  As we combine our teaching with the Holy Ghost, the Spirit will penetrate their heart, and those intrinsic components of testimony that they knew in the premortal sphere will be ignited.  The truth will be brought to their recognition.  This commencement of testimony building we establish will be remembered, and increased upon throughout their life, and will assist them in times where their faith may be tried or tested.  The story of Helaman’s two thousand stripling warriors is evidence of this. 

The stripling warriors were sons of Ammon.  These young men chose to fight a dangerous war with the Lamanites, in place of their repentant fathers who had covenanted with the Lord to never take up arms again. The conflict was a perilous one, and threatened the very lives of these boys.  However, they did not fear, no, their hearts did not waver.  Their secured and powerful testimony that the Lord would be their safeguard, allowed them to courageously enter and endure this battle.  Helaman’s account of their actions describe where they acquired their steadfast faith in the Lord:

Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it .(Alma 56:47-48)

That last line is my favorite.  Obviously we can assume that these young men were taught through word by faithfully devoted mothers.  But even more impressive, their mothers righteous behaviors allowed the understanding that the faith in which she taught, she also genuinely believed and followed.  These women taught their sons by way of action how to have faith in the Lord, possibly through deeds they were not even aware were being observed.  Their continuous example buoyed up the hearts of their sons during a moment of spiritual testing.  As we utilize this example in our responsibilities as teachers to our children, we can seek to ensure that every role we engage in within our motherhood career is created and exemplified through actions of trust in the Lord.  Although seemingly small or insignificant to us, they will stand as a mighty force of strength for our children as they observe and witness our faith, not only as we verbally teach, but as we interact in our daily positions.  As we combine actions of faith with our everyday tasks, no matter how mundane they may appear, we will stand as a burning example, one that will be branded upon the very hearts of these precious souls.  We must never approach this charge casually. 

My heart is thoughtful to those that are unable to bear children in this life.  Having a period of time with my own unanswered desires in this area, and watching the sorrow that the lack of opportunity can create in those I have loved and admired, I wish to assert that to assume these responsibilities of motherhood does not mean that you must bear children yourself.  As women we are divinely united.  What child does not remember another woman’s care in their youth that contributed to their development and spiritual growth?  Whether we have children of our own, or not, our Heavenly Father has given us the duty to teach and raise up His children unto Him.  I know this to be true, as I have watched the example of another add spiritual strength and influence to my own children.  My sister is a powerful example of righteousness.  She had a grand part in my own conversion.  Although she has no children of her own, she is constantly contributing to one of the roles of motherhood by assuming her role as a teacher.  She sets a spiritual example to my children, utilizes her tender heart to know them, and leads them by word and deed.  Although my children are relatively young, her impact has been monumental in our home.

As women and daughters of God, may we unify and actively satisfy the responsibilities we have been charged with.  As we stand as exemplars of faith, not only through word, but also through action, we can have hope that our influence will build and guide our children that they will not be caught in the snarls and traps of Satan.  And when their individual faith is tried, they can be lifted up by the foundation of our righteous teachings.  May they find themselves much like the warriors of Helaman, powerfully declaring, We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

Read More

Will Ye Also Go Away?

As I have endeavored through the short span of life I have been given thus far, there are a few realities that my heart has become well versed in.  The first, life is unbalanced.  Unequal treatment is something we have, or will at some point, experience.  Life was never patterned after just circumstances.  The second, the things that are most beloved, are frequently withdrawn from our side.  Although absent, they stamp enduring impressions within us that become apart of our identity.  The third, people forsake.  My eyes divulged this actuality to my heart, as I came to know what the back of another looked like as they departed from my side.  Some of these truths I am presently grasping, others were acquired in the initial moments of life.  Each has had a role in my evolvement, but the third has been the one with the greatest impact, thoroughly shaping my existence.  Although pain exists in its presence, gratitude is abundant.  For my familiarity with this certitude, derived my absolute conversion to the Lord.

There is no scripture I weep through more than the sixth chapter of John, which knowing the contents may seem curious.  This chapter is full of miracles.  Within it Christ feeds 5,000 from five loafs of bread and two small fish, and also walks upon the tempest sea.  Although dear to me, these are not the pieces that produce the ache.  No, the component that pulls at my core, is found five verses from the end.  Jesus is within the synagogue teaching the Jews.  He is expounding the truth that He is the living bread.  That through Him we receive eternal life.  Confounded by the principles that He is trying to relay, many of his once devoted disciples fall away from Him, never to return.  The truths of the gospel can be difficult for a mortal mind to interpret, and if not pondered upon, can feel strange and unfamiliar to our hearts.  As He observes those who were once faithful become disloyal by their confusion, He turns to His apostles and speaks the words that penetrate my maimed heart:

Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

I can distinctly recall when my eyes first fell upon these words.  I experienced instantaneous attachment.  The very deepest components of my heart could identify with the saddened inquiry the Savior directed to His apostles.  It was one of those moments where the scriptures are likened unto your personal circumstances in such a way that your soul clings to the congruity it has discovered.  I wept.  And I do each time I study this chapter. 

The Savior has an incomparable understanding in being forsaken.  None will match the abandonment, rejection, and betrayal that He withstood.  From the youngest moments of His life, He was despised.   King Herod enviously sought the tiny baby’s life, and left a path of destruction behind him as he attempted to obtain his objective.  From the commencement of His ministry, He was met with hatred.  He was designated a liar.  He was considered a blasphemer.  He was reviled against.  He was persecuted.  But for any of us who have experienced the heartache that comes from another’s relinquishment, we may understand that perhaps the most distressing of all was being renounced by those who called themselves His faithful followers and loyal friends.  This occurrence was a constant in His life.  Although vague, multiple scriptures indicate that some of Christ’s own familial relations were plagued with this same pattern of perfidy.  The most incredulous example, however, lies in the story of Judas.  The details that produced his treachery can seem inconceivable.  His time of arrival, immediately following the Atonement, stands as a symbol itself, of his careless fidelity to the one who had just suffered excruciating agony to provide him with eternal redemption.  Choosing temporal wealth over loyalty to his Master, he sold his commitment for silver.  He utilized the most traitorous token that could have been chosen, a kiss, to identify the Savior to the awaiting mob.  A kiss in this day stood as an emblem of love and fellowship, and selecting it as his means of identification, violated every aspect of companionship and brotherhood that had been formed.  I cannot imagine the torment that swallowed the Savior’s heart in these moments.  To be forsaken in such a manner would cause mine to burst.  And the most astonishing fact remains, that Christ had a perfect knowledge of his betrayal far before it occurred.  Before He even chose Judas as His disciple, He knew that one day his heart would falter and he would be in equal partnership with those who would induce His crucifixion.  Jesus Christ had an absolute understanding of the reality that people forsake. 

Although our Savior no longer walks upon the earth, His experiences with being forsaken are far from over.  His heart continues to endure the grief of being abandoned, rejected, and betrayed.  As we study and ponder on the scriptures that provide details of His life, most of us may intensely declare that we would never forsake Him as so many before us have.  But the truth lies in the fact that many still do, and during moments or periods of our own life, we too, may find ourselves counted among those who have eliminated loyalty from Him.   Whether through acts of omission or sins of commission, the result is the same.  We have turned our backs on the very one who stands as our Redeemer.  The one who willingly laid down His life that we may delight in eternal blessings, which are so glorious that they are beyond the ability to express in word.  The one who never hesitates to comfort and save us from sorrows or pain, whether that grief comes by way of our own actions or through decisions of another, He waits with open arms to heal.  We have deserted our Lord, the one that we so anxiously followed and recognized in premortal existence.  The very one we promised to find and obey in this earthly dispensation, because we wanted to be like Him, and we absolutely craved to have His nearness.  We have withdrawn from the only one who will never withdraw from us.  He will never abandon.  We will never know what the back of Him looks like as He departs, because He has given His unending assurance that He is securely positioned by our side.  We will never find heartache or despondency in His presence, only perpetual loyalty and devotion. 

As we recite the earnest question he directed to His apostles, may it be absorbed by our hearts and likened unto each of us individually.  May we understand that this inquiry was not only directed to those that stood with Him that day, but is relevant to us, and stands as an active request.  We must make our personal determination whether we will stay or forsake, and steadfastly follow our resolve, that the Savior may never need to ask of us if we, too, will leave His side.  I have gained awareness of a few of the actualities of life by way of experience.  These events have helped me to understand that flesh is weak, but one truth always remains above the rest, although people may forsake, my Savior, my Lord, He never will. 

Read More

Wilt Thou Be Made Whole?

As mortals, we break.  It applies to all facets: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.  We are breakable.  Whether it be through our individual choices, the decisions of others, or tribulations that are appointed unto us, we all, at some point, find ourselves to be broken.  Sometimes we become fractured, in need of mending and restoring.  Yet at other times, we discover that we are thoroughly shattered, requiring patient reconstruction and devoted rectification.  Knowing that both our temporal bodies and spiritual compositions can be fragile to the circumstances of this earthly experience, we may find ourselves anxious to find a source of restoration, for we all seek to be whole.  However, trepidation need not take hold on our hearts, for we have been provided with the Great Physician.  It does not make a difference if we are fragmented or demolished, He can heal all, and has the ability to bring us to restitution.  What hope this delivers to a broken soul.

The story of the healing of the man at Bethesda attracts me.  Within Jerusalem, aside a sheep market, lay a pool.  This small body of water drew the ailing.  Around it the diseased, debilitated, and afflicted could be found, looking out into the water, awaiting it to move.  Tradition had led to the belief that when the water became troubled, an angel of healing had arrived.  The first person to enter its curative depths would be restored.  By the side of the pool lay a man who had been impaired with a grim infirmity, lasting thirty-eight years, probably a vast majority of his life.   He had to have been a man of substantial faith.  The scriptures do not expound as to how long he had been aside the edge of the pool, but based on his resolved dedication and steady trust in the water’s remedial abilities, we can suppose that this was not the first time he anxiously gazed into its depths.  He was a lame man.  He could not walk, nor rapidly move himself to the water.  As he viewed the others surrounding him with their own maladies, he undoubtedly had a firm understanding that the likelihood of one sacrificing their own healing for his benefit was improbable.  Yet, there he stationed himself.  Devoted to his belief and committed to being restored through Divine intervention.  On a Sabbath day, the Savior came upon this man of faith, and through His miraculous power, heals him entirely, through His touch and word.  No dramatic display or extravagant show to manifest His abilities.  It came as quiet, yet supreme healing, through the steadfast faith of a broken child of God.  The Lord’s power has always been accomplished through small and simple acts.  It’s an incredible story and example of the Healer’s hand, but perhaps the greatest message to receive comes in the words He spoke prior to restoring the crippled man:

When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole? (John 5:6)

The Savior’s power is not finite.  We understand that if a whisper were to part from His lips commanding a colossal mountain to descend, it would fold and crumble instantaneously.  His ability to heal His sheep is not limited, but it is suppressed by our inward and outward expressions of faith.  We hold a significant role in our own individual healing.  As we recognize the part we play and actively fulfill it, we enable the Savior to place His restorative hands upon us, repairing what has been impaired.  He is the only true source of healing that exists.  All else may provide a moment of respite, but will wither in due course.  As we humbly offer our brokenness to the Lord, exhibiting boundless trust in His abilities, we will find perpetual correction and restoration. 

We should not be convinced that we must possess perfect faith in order to be recovered.  We are all imperfect beings, it is as it is designed to be.  If we were flawless, our earthly probation would be of no purpose.  We are here to learn and evolve, to acquire the perfect faith we need for exaltation.  But we are not perfect in these very moments, and the Lord knows of this.  He does not place a prerequisite of perfection in order to attain blessings of His mercy.  If that was the condition, blessings would not be recorded or experienced, because Christ was the only perfect being to walk the earth.  However, we are requested to be committed to the faith that we have obtained, not to forsake or renounce what we have acquired.  We must remain constant, even through our darkest of hours, and sustain through each experience, no matter how inequitable they may seem.

Imagine this man who sat on the banks of Bethesda.  His establishment at the very edge of the water is my favorite symbol in the story.  It stands as an emblem of his unfeigned efforts to do his part in preparing and receiving his healing.  It signifies the fulfillment of his role in the repair of his disablement.  He brought himself as close as he could come, but needed intervention for completion.  How unfair his plight must have seemed.  He thoroughly believed in the ability to be healed, and knew that it most certainly would come through Divine means, hence why he came to the only place he knew, in his immediate surroundings, where the grace of the Lord penetrated the earth.   But his weak and disabled physical frame could not collaborate with the faith of his heart.  How many times had he attempted to reach the water, physically exerting all he had, only to observe another, one with physical abilities he was not given, enter before him.  It must have been terribly enervating and taxing in all aspects.  Yet, he remained.  His faith never faltered, because he knew that only through the grace of the Lord could his afflictions be cured.  This very faith is what healed the man.  The Savior, through His divine inspiration, felt and understood the faith that existed inside of him before approaching.  Once identifying him, he drew near, and immediately asked: Wilt thou be made whole?  The Lord knew that the necessary faith existed within him, but inquired if the man would accept His healing influence. This man was prepared for His healing power, and because of this, it was provided unto him.  He stands as an example to us all.  We, too, must ready ourselves for healing.  We must employ our individual abilities and exertions to satisfy our part of the process, and then patiently await upon the Lord, with determined and anchored faith.   As we do so, we will be prepared to reply with eagerness that we, indeed, will be made whole through His hands.   

There will be times when our healing hopes will go unmet.  We will be unlike the man that was healed at Bethesda, and will find that we do not have the ability to rise, take up our bed, and walk.  Perhaps, it is because there is no opportunity to fall back into time to change our decisions or actions.  Maybe it is due to the fact that people we love are allowed free agency, and their choices cut us to our core and wound our hearts.  Other times, we will discover that our physical or mental abnormalities do not fade as we desire them to.  Or possibly, things or people that are dear to us will be removed for our side.  In these moments we may feel abandoned, and may cry to the Lord with perplexity entwined in our words.  We may lose hope or wonder why we have been called to suffer such a hardship, especially if we have remained faithful and true.  We may question our worth and the love of our Father.  Doubt may try to thwart our faith.  During these moments we must trust that healing is taking place, just not in the designated way we had planned.  We must sustain the understanding that He knows us, distinctively and personally.  Which means, that He knows what paths are needed for us to become perfected, which, in turn, will allow us to receive exaltation.  One of my best-loved quotes relating to Christ’s tenacity in advancing us towards perfection comes from C.S. Lewis:

Once you call Christ in, He will give you the full treatment.  That is why He warned people to ‘count the cost’ before becoming Christians.  ‘Make no mistake’, He says, ‘if you let me, I will make you perfect.  The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for.  Nothing less, or other, than that.  You have free will, and if you choose, you can push Me away.  But if you do not push Me away, understand that I am going to see this job through.  Whatever suffering it may cost you…whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect-until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with me.  This I can do and will do.  But I will not do anything less.

Enduring devotedly is our objective.  If we do so, there will be a time when we look back on what we have suffered, and identify the places within us, that once were concealed, which are healed because we were permitted to carry our individualized burden, and because we sustained it through.  It is not easy and was never designed to be.  It can, and will, be distressing, traumatic, and cause an aching that pounds from within us, which may seem to destroy our very soul.  But we have been promised that we will never be left alone to bear it.  Not only does The Lord offer his strength, but He pleads for us to enable Him to do so.  He stands at the door awaiting us to turn the handle, which only exists on our side.  If we choose Him, He has promised that our burden, no matter how crippling, will be lightened.  It may not be taken from us, but it will be possible to withstand. With His companionship we will find that we can persevere through our time of testing, not without pain, but with hope of one day receiving absolute healing.  When that day arrives, as He approaches us, He will utter the same words he did to the troubled man at Bethesda: Wilt thou be made whole?  In that moment, due to our persistent labors, resolute faith, and our knowledge that through Him our brokenness can be exchanged for completeness, we can fall at His feet and reply: Although my flesh is weak, my spirit is strong, my faith is firm, and my knowledge is true, that through you, my Great Physician, I can be healed.  And we will arise, take our beds, and walk.   

Watch the healing at Bethesda here.

Read More

Know Ye Not?

I, like most mothers, experience hectic mornings.  Both of my children despise bathing and dressing, and they were blessed with lungs that allow them to powerfully express their disapproval.  One day my littlest one was exceptionally frustrated with my requests in preparing for the day.  I found our morning routine extending longer than normal, as I directed my attention to the individualized love she was needing in those moments.  As I sat rocking this sweet baby, my dynamic toddler ran from the connecting door of her room, stark naked.  My initial emotion was exhaustion.  I had barely won the battle of clothing her, and the victory had not been easily attained.  In my mind, I quickly started making another plan of action, but her tender voice brought me back to the present.  She looked up into my eyes with wondrous excitement, pointing to her body, and declared, “Mommy, look at my temple!  It is beautiful!”  In that moment, this tender child of God, evoked my mind to the piece of my testimony I have been striving to master all my life.  My body: it is a temple. 

We exist in a world that devalues the majesty of our bodies.  It seeks to have us believe that these glorious creations from God, are nothing more than a material object, one to be altered and modified.  We quickly become convinced that we are flawed.  That no matter our appearance, or our attempts at change, we are always inferior.  We are pummeled by voices or images that endeavor to persuade us that in order to be appealing we must fit a certain mold, maintain a specific shape, and acquire a particular look.  No longer do we view our reflection through spiritual eyes, but observe ourselves in a worldly perspective.  Our glorious gift from our loving Father in Heaven, the one he patterned after His very own, is no longer cherished.  We replace gratitude with criticism and disapproval.  Imagine the irony of it all.  Our premortal spirits eagerly awaiting the opportunity to arrive in this earthly dispensation to receive a body, only to collect it and be dissatisfied.  The words that Paul wrote to the Corinthian Saints become pertinent to us now:

“What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not of your own?  For we are bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

We have knowledge that the things of most worth, Satan strikes the fiercest.  Being aware of this, we can perceive that our bodies are something to be treasured, because his efforts are indefatigable.  One of Satan’s objectives is to have us see ourselves as pieces, and to define our self worth from those fragments.  He aims to blur the idea of collectivity all together.  When we focus solely on our external appearances, we are unable to identify all that we are, and everything that we offer, both inside and out.  Our emphasis stations around temporal advances, and we lose attention of enhancing the spirit that lies within our frame.  We completely destroy the recognition that our body is an individualized temple, one that has divine pieces of our Father intertwined.  Satan absolutely delights in this.  He gains rapturous happiness from our deprecation.  Why is this so enthralling to him?  Because he is miserably tortured with his inability to acquire a physical body of his own.  We have been taught through the scriptures that the merging of the spirit and body, is the only way to receive a fullness of joy.  It is a primary reason why we departed from our Father’s side.  We ached for a physical body, and were exultant in the opportunity provided.  Satan’s rebellion, as well as his followers, cost them this chance.  How intensely they still desire to posses one!  Their desperation is identified in the story of Jesus healing the man who was possessed with many spirits.  When Christ spoke to the demonic spirits within him, they begged to be cast into the bodies of pigs nearby.  Anything that could resemble a physical form, they craved.  The Savior agreed to this, and the spirits entered into the pigs, ran into the sea and were drowned.  This story can illuminate our understanding that our bodies are sacred privileges, and should be regarded as such. 

There are multiple prices that we pay when we enable Satan’s temptations and worldly influences to change our perspective on our holy temples.  One is that we no longer allow the gentle Lord to define our worth, we permit the world to specify our value.  Media-based visualizations and worldly ideology of what a man or woman should be, become our model.  One that we will never be sufficient for.  We will always be passé, substandard, faulty.  However, when we look to our Father and Savior, we will discover that we are unparalleled, extraordinary, beautiful.  These perceptions will take time to become concrete.  Yet, as we seek to ceaselessly be in Their presence, Their vision will be our own, and our gratitude will spill over.  We must pray to see our temples, as they are viewed through Their eyes. 

The importance of our bodies has never been made more clear to us then through the Resurrection of our Savior.  On the third day, He was reunited, both spirit and body.  As He stood in front of Mary Magdalene at the empty tomb, His glory was beyond expression.  He had come back to retrieve the gift His Father bestowed upon Him when entering this earth.  He knew the magnificence of His temple, and sought to bring His spirit back to its holy sanctuary.  His sacrifices have allowed us this same opportunity.  We all, every single child of God, will be resurrected.  Our bodies and spirits will consolidate into an eternal whole, one that will never be divided from again.  It is a prize beyond measure.  How immensely grateful I am for my Redeemer and for His gift of Resurrection, that I may again become complete.    

Our bodies are truly temples to the Lord, and should be to us.  He constructed and fashioned them for us individually.  It stands as a holy place, one where our divine spirits take residency.  We truly are not of our own.  We must seek to treat it, speak of it, and view it as the remarkable creation that it is.  For it will be ours, even into eternity.  We cannot allow worldly concepts and beliefs to decrease our gratitude for this gift.  We must refrain from providing Satan with opportunities to make us miserable like unto himself.  And on this most sanctified and glorious day, as we celebrate the Resurrection of our beloved Savior and Redeemer, we can follow the example of a child, and fall to our knees while thankfully exclaiming: “Dear Father, look at my temple!  It is beautiful.”

Read More

I Was By Him

If there is anything that we wander from in this mortal experience, it is from our divinity. It is understandable in a sense, knowing that it is a grand part of why we are here in the first place. For if we remembered all we were, the concealing veil given to test our faithfulness, would not be in existence, which means we would have never been able to embark on this glorious and intensely desired opportunity. We would be static, home with our Father, but void of exaltation, aching for a chance to become all that He is.  

But we are here. We are in this sublime world, with incredible circumstances surrounding us. This signifies that, yes, our comprehensive memories are not in immediate reach, but those seraphic attributes are still thoroughly apart of who we are. However, it is up to us to acquire a knowledge of these divine qualities, and exert to magnify them.

One of the most cherished teachings in Mormon theology, to me, is that we do not enter this world as a blank slate. We each have eternal histories.   

Do we recognize how far back our archives extend? 

We are eternal beings. Eternal denotes lasting or existing forever. There are no endings and no beginnings. Our mortal minds cannot even comprehend this understanding. We reside in a sphere where inceptions and cessations are all we know. But that is not what eternal things are made up of. We are supernal intelligences, which cannot be created or made, only organized.  

From the genesis, we were with God. 

The Lord possessed me in the beginning of his way, before his works of old. I was set up from everlasting from the beginning, or ever the earth was. When there were no depths, I was brought forth; when there were no fountains abounding with water. Before the mountains were settled, before the hills was I brought forth: While as yet he had not made the earth, nor the fields, nor the highest part of the dust of the world. When he prepared the heavens I was there: when he set a compass upon the face of the depth: When he established the clouds above: when he strengthened the fountains of the deep: When he gave to the sea his decree, that the waters should not pass his commandment: when he appointed the foundations of the earth: Then I was by him, as one brought up with him: and I was daily his delight, rejoicing always before him.  (Proverbs 8:22-30)

Do our hearts understand the significance of this scripture? Can our minds decipher the message our Father is trying to relay to us within these verses?

I originally encountered this passage while preparing for a lesson I was about to teach. It was late at night and as I read the words aloud, the very hairs upon my arms stood on end. The poetic expressions had my heart pummeling. I had an instantaneous attachment to it. I thought in that moment that I had a realization of the message that it was trying to transfer, but it came a few weeks later.  

As I was teaching this lesson my understanding was enlightened. The Holy Ghost penetrated my heart, and as the testimony tumbled from my mouth, I experienced a moment of heightened comprehension regarding the actuality of our divine nature. Never prior had I understood that before the Lord arranged us into spiritual beings, we had a coexistence with Him as spiritual intelligences.  

It’s incredible. 

That knowledge alone represents our divinity. We are children of God, composed under and by Him, but we were also with Him, existing by His side, before we were thus organized. 

Knowing that we were co-eternal with our Father, helps us to interpret our potential. The scriptures incessantly tell us of prophets and apostles that sought to teach us of the ability we have to become like Him, if we but resolve to endeavor towards this objective. However, no one depicts it quite as perfectly as our Savior.  

The Lord had an exemplary cognition of this capacity that resides within us all. He spoke of it, taught on it, and lived as such. He did not find it thievery to be equal to God, because He knew who He was, and where He was from. He was the Son of God, delivered from an eternal, heavenly sphere, sent to save us all, but would again return home unto His Father.  With every breath He took in His earthly life, He manifested this understanding. Jesus Christ never allowed Himself to become distracted from this purpose.  Never once did His heart falter. He is the illustration that we must devotedly follow.  

Part of His mission upon this earth was to remind us that we, too, are beloved and cherished children of our Father in Heaven. We are of divine worth. We are physically patterned after our Heavenly Father, and spiritually originated, just as He was and is. Make no mistake, we do, and always have, had the capability of acquiring the qualities and attributes of our Father. That is the precise reason why we are here today.  We cannot allow ourselves to forget or become diverted off course. 

Acquiring this awareness may assist us in the realization of our Heavenly Father’s understanding of who we are, which better helps us view ourselves through His omniscient perspective. He has a perfect knowledge of our divinity, and is cognizant of our individual potentiality. His flawless comprehension relating to our divine abilities is best described by the Prophet Lorenzo Snow: 

“As man now is, God once was: As God now is, man may be.”  

Our Father is aware of our sacred capabilities because He has experienced what we now are. All we endure, He has sustained. He has a firm knowledge of what we can become because pieces of His own divinity were bestowed upon us as we were spiritually produced. His merciful hand and tender love that encompass, protect, and guide us, stand as confirmation of the intense desire that He holds to see each of us reach this destiny, and to experience the blessings that coincide along side it. Our Father in Heaven not only understands our potential, but yearns for us to acquire it.  

After all, isn’t this His work and glory?

As we gain a testimony of the truthfulness of this doctrine, it can completely reconstruct the way we experience and view this earthly life. As we begin to believe and have faith in our divine nature, we realize what we are made of and where we have come from. We can zealously declare that we were not made in the world. We are not of the world. We are from above the world. We have the ability to triumph over the temptations and can conquer all vexations of this mortal existence. We are the very sons and daughters of the Almighty God, and we have the capacity to become like Him. Although undeveloped, our capabilities are only limited to our own exertions. 

Furthermore, it can enhance the way that we interact with those around us. As we seek to discover the divinity that lies within them, the depth of our understanding and love for them, individually, will intensify. We will begin to recognize them for their divine nature, and their mortal frailties will diminish before us. Their glory will be manifest unto us, and we will acquire an intense desire to help them magnify what has become so apparent through our unveiled eyes. This is what it is like to love another like our Father and Savior love us. 

We are divinely organized. There is the nature of deity in our very composition. We cannot permit anyone, nor anything, to rob us of our destiny. Neither can we allow ourselves to become distracted by the methods of the world. There is nothing here that can be offered that will rival the blessings that await us if we are to but obediently persevere. Faithfully endure. Anxiously exert. Our divine destiny rests upon it.  

Read More

I Have Graven Thee Upon The Palms of My Hands

To belong.  It is the component that leads each of us to collective ground.  The need creates a place where we stand unified, completely grasping what is ingrained within us.  Here our dissimilarities wane, and we feel connection, because together our desires become parallel.  We are privileged to be divergent.  To have been blessed with assorted strengths, and varying weaknesses, all from a loving Father in Heaven, who allows us to be distinctive.  And not only allows us, but utterly delights in our uniqueness and originality.  He celebrates our abilities, and labors along side us in enhancing our imperfections.  Yet, in this one area, we fuse, simultaneously yearning.  Although there are variations of intensities, it all can be found within each one of us. 

Read More