Will Ye Also Go Away?

As I have endeavored through the short span of life I have been given thus far, there are a few realities that my heart has become well versed in.  The first, life is unbalanced.  Unequal treatment is something we have, or will at some point, experience.  Life was never patterned after just circumstances.  The second, the things that are most beloved, are frequently withdrawn from our side.  Although absent, they stamp enduring impressions within us that become apart of our identity.  The third, people forsake.  My eyes divulged this actuality to my heart, as I came to know what the back of another looked like as they departed from my side.  Some of these truths I am presently grasping, others were acquired in the initial moments of life.  Each has had a role in my evolvement, but the third has been the one with the greatest impact, thoroughly shaping my existence.  Although pain exists in its presence, gratitude is abundant.  For my familiarity with this certitude, derived my absolute conversion to the Lord.

There is no scripture I weep through more than the sixth chapter of John, which knowing the contents may seem curious.  This chapter is full of miracles.  Within it Christ feeds 5,000 from five loafs of bread and two small fish, and also walks upon the tempest sea.  Although dear to me, these are not the pieces that produce the ache.  No, the component that pulls at my core, is found five verses from the end.  Jesus is within the synagogue teaching the Jews.  He is expounding the truth that He is the living bread.  That through Him we receive eternal life.  Confounded by the principles that He is trying to relay, many of his once devoted disciples fall away from Him, never to return.  The truths of the gospel can be difficult for a mortal mind to interpret, and if not pondered upon, can feel strange and unfamiliar to our hearts.  As He observes those who were once faithful become disloyal by their confusion, He turns to His apostles and speaks the words that penetrate my maimed heart:

Then said Jesus unto the twelve, Will ye also go away?

I can distinctly recall when my eyes first fell upon these words.  I experienced instantaneous attachment.  The very deepest components of my heart could identify with the saddened inquiry the Savior directed to His apostles.  It was one of those moments where the scriptures are likened unto your personal circumstances in such a way that your soul clings to the congruity it has discovered.  I wept.  And I do each time I study this chapter. 

The Savior has an incomparable understanding in being forsaken.  None will match the abandonment, rejection, and betrayal that He withstood.  From the youngest moments of His life, He was despised.   King Herod enviously sought the tiny baby’s life, and left a path of destruction behind him as he attempted to obtain his objective.  From the commencement of His ministry, He was met with hatred.  He was designated a liar.  He was considered a blasphemer.  He was reviled against.  He was persecuted.  But for any of us who have experienced the heartache that comes from another’s relinquishment, we may understand that perhaps the most distressing of all was being renounced by those who called themselves His faithful followers and loyal friends.  This occurrence was a constant in His life.  Although vague, multiple scriptures indicate that some of Christ’s own familial relations were plagued with this same pattern of perfidy.  The most incredulous example, however, lies in the story of Judas.  The details that produced his treachery can seem inconceivable.  His time of arrival, immediately following the Atonement, stands as a symbol itself, of his careless fidelity to the one who had just suffered excruciating agony to provide him with eternal redemption.  Choosing temporal wealth over loyalty to his Master, he sold his commitment for silver.  He utilized the most traitorous token that could have been chosen, a kiss, to identify the Savior to the awaiting mob.  A kiss in this day stood as an emblem of love and fellowship, and selecting it as his means of identification, violated every aspect of companionship and brotherhood that had been formed.  I cannot imagine the torment that swallowed the Savior’s heart in these moments.  To be forsaken in such a manner would cause mine to burst.  And the most astonishing fact remains, that Christ had a perfect knowledge of his betrayal far before it occurred.  Before He even chose Judas as His disciple, He knew that one day his heart would falter and he would be in equal partnership with those who would induce His crucifixion.  Jesus Christ had an absolute understanding of the reality that people forsake. 

Although our Savior no longer walks upon the earth, His experiences with being forsaken are far from over.  His heart continues to endure the grief of being abandoned, rejected, and betrayed.  As we study and ponder on the scriptures that provide details of His life, most of us may intensely declare that we would never forsake Him as so many before us have.  But the truth lies in the fact that many still do, and during moments or periods of our own life, we too, may find ourselves counted among those who have eliminated loyalty from Him.   Whether through acts of omission or sins of commission, the result is the same.  We have turned our backs on the very one who stands as our Redeemer.  The one who willingly laid down His life that we may delight in eternal blessings, which are so glorious that they are beyond the ability to express in word.  The one who never hesitates to comfort and save us from sorrows or pain, whether that grief comes by way of our own actions or through decisions of another, He waits with open arms to heal.  We have deserted our Lord, the one that we so anxiously followed and recognized in premortal existence.  The very one we promised to find and obey in this earthly dispensation, because we wanted to be like Him, and we absolutely craved to have His nearness.  We have withdrawn from the only one who will never withdraw from us.  He will never abandon.  We will never know what the back of Him looks like as He departs, because He has given His unending assurance that He is securely positioned by our side.  We will never find heartache or despondency in His presence, only perpetual loyalty and devotion. 

As we recite the earnest question he directed to His apostles, may it be absorbed by our hearts and likened unto each of us individually.  May we understand that this inquiry was not only directed to those that stood with Him that day, but is relevant to us, and stands as an active request.  We must make our personal determination whether we will stay or forsake, and steadfastly follow our resolve, that the Savior may never need to ask of us if we, too, will leave His side.  I have gained awareness of a few of the actualities of life by way of experience.  These events have helped me to understand that flesh is weak, but one truth always remains above the rest, although people may forsake, my Savior, my Lord, He never will.